Sunday, May 17, 2009

In Which I Am Extremely Proud Of Myself

Sometimes I think that if one book could sum up my life it would be Dr.Seuss' 'Because A Little Bug Went Ker-choo.'

For instance, last Thursday I got into a screaming fight with my mom that started about factors. Yes, as in the math problem random person reading my blog entry who is also a very mathematically inclined thinker. She kicked me out for the night....or really she told me to leave and then made no move to actually kick me out and I left in a huff.

Pissed off I drove to my Aunt's house all the way in Galena and spent the night there while my younger cousin laughed at me because I am an idiot that got kicked out for fighting about factors. The next day I spend time with my cousin and then visit my grandma and everything is going fine, I even get some roses to give to my mom. Then I get near the Hatem Bridge which is now closed off. I stop at the Royal Farms and fill up my tank, get directions to I-95 (retrospect: always get double opinions on directions and be specific with questions.), call my mom to ask which exit to get off of on said 95.

And here's where the fun starts. I leave at 9:30 don't get back home to Baltimore until 2am. The woman I asked was correct, the road she showed me did indeed go to 95. However, it also conjoined at some point with 495 which is the Delaware Turnpike. I pay the 4 dollar toll fee and am now trying to ward off panic as I try to remember just where did I get off of here last time. Then I do remember...that I was in a car with friends and their Tom Tom, so we weren't really worried about paying attention. Apparently 495 diverges at some point with 95 south to Baltimore going left and north going right. I accidentally get off on the right side hoping for another exit for south along the way. Halfway through driving through Philadelphia panic finally sets in....on a bridge in the middle of a turn going 65 miles per hour trying to keep pace with traffic but not speed because I left my wallet at home with all my i.d. and all because a little bug spotted a sign saying something about a tunnel and 95 ending in so many miles.

I have a Greyhound on my ass and am now crying hysterically because I don't want to go through a tunnel and leave 95, have no clue where I am and am driving one handed because I can't stop chewing on my other hand's thumb (plus note: I'm really good at driving one handed apparently.). That's right, Adorably's Magical Lost Tour 2009, crying hysterically in a car next to you soon!

I am now entering New Jersey (just in case you needed a little picture inside your head, Chestertown is about 75 miles from Baltimore give or take whichever direction you're coming from. New Jersey is 150.) and my tank is almost half gone, 95 is going to end apparently in so many less miles then it said it would when I was driving through Philly. I'm fed up and just said fuck it and started looking for some sort of exit where I could find help. Finally! I see a south exit for a 24 hour Exxon station. At least I'm going to be headed in the right direction when I ask for directions. As soon as I get off that exit, what lays right before me? Another exit for south 95.

Fuck Exxon, I'm taking the damn exit and this tank better last me.

I get back to the Delaware toll and pay yet another 4 dollars and am told I am on the right way to Baltimore. About a mile down the road I see a sign that lists Baltimore as 67 miles away. I am so tired and worn out by this time I literally look at myself in the mirror and say out loud "Better get comfy, it looks like we're in for a long ride." and then crank my radio as high as it will go.

Now I say I am proud of myself because, yes I got lost like the blond ditz I am, but I got home by myself relying on no one but myself. For someone that gets confused by written directions and sometimes takes wrong turns even with a friends Tom Tom, this is a very major accomplishment for me.

And the moral of the story is kiddies: Never leave home without your wallet and fucking pay attention.


  1. Holy moly, almost as epic as that Sopranos episode, "The Pine Barrens"!

    Did something like that when living in Philly, and more recently, with the DC Metro. For the last year, I've had a GPS thing for when things get hairy.

    Finally -- yesterday, saw a guy sitting in the rain with a sign: NEED GAS $ any amount will help." I gave him a couple bucks and wished him the best (he was four hours shy of destination by highway and out of gas)


I wish my comment form was shiny.