Thursday, January 7, 2010

Slender Man

I think Slender Man is out to get me.

That's a joke, but a horribly creepy one. I've been reading stories about him and such like a fiend lately in the never-ending quest to creep myself out. And creep myself out I have, especially when other people in the forum about him start to mention the subject of tulpas. A tulpa is basically a fear that starts to become real because you gave it energy in the form of thinking about it and actively fearing it and such. I don't think they're limited to just fears though, it can be anything even something positive; but it works the other way as well.

I was out on the porch about 3 nights ago, smoking a cigarette because the deal with the car was just having me on edge. I start thinking about Slender Man like you sometimes do when it's dark and spooky out and you're alone. He's really tall and thin and dresses in a black suit and has no facial features. Some people say that he sometimes has just two glowing orbs for eyes and a slit mouth, sometimes it's just the mouth, his skin looking like it stopped growing at like age 9 but he just kept getting taller. Sometimes he is described with tendrils of darkness creeping from his body, other times, just as many hands that resemble the branches of trees that he likes to hide near. And the fact that he likes to steal children and spear people onto tree branches when he is done doing whatever it is to them that he does is enough to put me off camping forever.

Down here in North Carolina there is nothing but trees everywhere and there are no streetlights save for like one, everything is pitch black. So I'm staring off into space and that horrible thought creeps into your head, 'you know, if Slender Man really was after you, he'd be behind you.' Instinctively I turn around and there is a tall man dressed all in black walking down the street who breaks out into a run. I just about screamed and peed. Yes peed, almost, not ashamed to say I almost had to change my drawers. It was just one of the neighbors but still, so scary.

So the tulpa thing is still running through my head and the crappy thing about getting creeped out and then being told to not think about it because that gives the thing power is that...you wind up thinking about it. Like obsessively! The room I sleep in is drafty like a mother and even with the blinds drawn down if you came onto the porch you could still see in a little bit. Enough to look into the room and the bed is right near the window, so someone could totally spy on me sleeping. I have the blanket pulled up over my head because it's cold and am checking facebook when right by the window there is a sound that sounds like a mix between a squeaky wheel and a whining dog. I froze and a chorus of 'don't look, don't look' starts running through my head. It's that horror movie fear where you know that the killer is at the door and you shouldn't open it. It's the point in the movie where you're screaming at the TV 'get out of the house! He's already in there!'

It stops after a minute or so and I look and nothing is there. Leaving me to only guess as to what the hell was making the noise in the first place. We have a big porch, and there are no wheels...but there is a stray dog that sometimes walks up and down the street.

I hate this room too, the horrible diy paint job gives it a slightly claustrophobic feel to it. The walls are forest green and the paint extends up from the walls to slightly cover the ceiling like they're closing in on you. And of course at night that's when the shadows come out...and is that a shadow on the wall, or a tendril of darkness sneaking up on you?

Sleep tight readers....and don't look behind you ;)





Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy Belated New Year!

I hope every one's new year was a lot better then mine with more drinking and partying! So much good news, the car is now in the shop and apparently the emergency shut off switch was activated after the crash, which in turn, I think, shut off the fuel line. So hopefully all they have to do is disconnect my computer in the car and connect it again.

Hopefully my money that I had to basically steal back from my Mom will be coming quickly so I can pay the bill at storage. If not....possibly good bye baby pictures and my Book Of Shadows. Not that I can't make another BOS, but they're such a pain in the ass to make and such. All the collecting and organization and blah blah blah.

Also, I have a place to live in Baltimore when I move down so no couch surfing and living in my car until I find residence. My friend Penny and her father and her grandma are all fighting over me. Yay! I still just don't understand my Mom really. The night I moved out they started moving my little brother into that room and for two months I've been hearing nothing but begging and pleading from her and my step father to come back home. That I can always come back and have a place to stay. Then when it turns out that I want to come back because I truly can't make it down here and need work, all of a sudden there is no room for this virgin at the inn. WTF mate?!

With everyone making New Year goals and resolutions I've been thinking what I want mine to be and have come up with some of mine:

1. To have a really good paying job and place to live so my out of country boyfriend can come and live with me. I've known and dated Jeremy for 7 years now, and I can't stand to have him so far away any longer. He's such a cute Canuck.

2. To get the car payed off this year! Woot for title in my name!

3. To blog more. I have been slacking.

4. I want this year to be the year I finally start putting down ink to paper and start either making preliminary comics for the online comic I want to make or stop procrastinating and start finishing novels and stories I've been writing for the Gods know how many months...or years. *shame*

5. Take better care of myself and find a way to let out my anxiety and anger issues that doesn't end in a relapse of self harm. I am actually slightly ashamed, if only for myself, that I did have a relapse or two in the self harming area within the past month. Stress just got way to big for me and that's not an excuse I know. I have to get it through my head that the calming down that comes directly after is not greater then the shame and anger that comes later for letting myself do stuff like that. And while this time's episode didn't leave me with anything that will scar; I have three very old, small scars that prove that sometimes they do, which is not something I want. Especially because I was doing so good. A year....and now I have to start over.

and on a last and lighter note, I also would like a good digicam and to start cooking more and slightly food blogging. I haven't done a 'So You Think You Can Cook' post in a while and the other foodie blogs get me jealous! Haha!

So now I bid you adieu! Tonight feels like an Addams Family marathon night.

What are some of ya'lls new year goals?