Monday, June 13, 2011

Weekend Highlights

Spent the weekend with my friends Jess Jess and Chicky. I'm bored and just thought I'd share some highlights from my weekend.

*I'm helping Chicky study for her MCAT by letting her teach me all the awesome super smart person things she's learned and studied about*
Chicky: Alright, we'll start with the periodic table, you know what that is right?
Me: Yeah, it's a chart that you use to keep track of your cycle.
C: ......uhhhhhhhhhh
M: Sike, I'm just joking it's a chart of the elements
*Chicky actually breathes deeply like I almost gave her a heart attack*

My friends know that I joke all the time, but I also am really ditzy as well...sometimes I think I worry them even after I tell them I'm only joking.

*Driving to Girl Scout Council to buy badges for the kids*
Jess Jess: Did you know that KFC is changing their name? They're going with just the acronym KFC because Kentucky Fried Chicken has the word fried in it and it sounds unhealthy.
Me: But that doesn't take the fact that their food is unhealthy away. All they're doing is changing it to KFC....which stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken! It's not even a real name change!
JJ: I know.
M: That's like me eating a cheeseburger and calling it a banana!
JJ: I know.
M: Oh Gods! This is the world I fucking live in Jess! This is the world I fucking live in!........I'm going to start calling cheeseburgers bananas.

Seriously, there is no reason for this fucking stupidity. However Snopes says this isn't true. At least not for the reasons I ranted about.

*Coming back from Council going down I695, some douche bag is weaving into other lanes and dangerously swerving all over the road*
Me: That's ridiculous. You can call the police for this to report his tag numbers can't you?
Jess Jess: Yeah.
Chicky: Is he really driving that bad?

By the by, as I'm calling the police and being transferred to different people there is a cop driving behind the man in one of the other lanes. Now if I could see him from where I was driving I know the cop could as well. The cop drove past and did nothing. It wasn't just a little swerving, it was obvious he was most likely drunk. Thank you Maryland police officers for showing me why I shouldn't have much faith in you.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Tallahassee Would Know The Answer To This

While driving home from work I had to roll down all the windows since I am running on gas fumes until I can get money for gas, and it got me thinking.

In the impending Zompocalypse, A/C or windows? I'm not sure this has ever been covered in zombie survival talks. It's no good to have a heat stroke while you're trying to get away from the undead. I can see the merits of both.

Air conditioning uses up your gas and unless you want to siphon gas from cars after a couple of hours, windows down in the heat is good.

But there are zombies on the loose! I mean, I guess if there weren't that many, it wouldn't matter, you are in a car you can just drive away. But what if there are ass loads of zombies milling about? A/C would be the better choice. You need the protection, however limited, that the windows would bring.

Also, what about those windows? Tinted or non-tinted? Do you think if they were tinted the zombies would be less likely to attack since they couldn't see you in there?

Personally I think I would keep some jugs of gas handy in the backseat and go with tinted A/C.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

An Open Letter To Adrianne Curry

Dear Adrianne Curry,

I'll make this short and sweet.

I don't watch America's Next Top Model, but ever since I saw you on The Surreal Life on VH1, I know why you won it. No offense, but I'm surprised that your marriage to Mr.Knight lasted five years. Nothing really against you, but one doesn't have to watch either The Surreal Life or My Fair Brady to know you're crazy. You don't have so much of the crazy eyes as you have the crazy face. You're like a crazy quick bread with an insanity glaze on top.

But that's OK, because you're super hot, love Star Wars and like to cosplay....and I'm also odd and possibly insane. If past relationships and my intense love of Marvel character Deadpool tend to prove anything; I like to stick it in the crazy.

I just wanted to let you know that if that Brady bastard actually goes and divorces you, that I am here for you....and all your rebound needs. I'm just going to let you know ahead of time that I will require you to dress like slave Leia on at least two separate occasions.

Addy DeLaMorte

P.S. Dear Adam Richman and MC Frontalot, this doesn't mean I'm not still gunning for you. I wouldn't get rid of those restraining orders just yet.