Monday, January 9, 2012

Are You Not Entertained?

I don't really like entertaining people.

Actually, considering the career I am working towards, let me clarify that statement. I don't always like being the 'funny friend'. When I was a kid I had no problems with my place as the 'funny/crazy one' in my group of friends. I never had any troubles living up to my expectations as class clown.

I don't really feel that way anymore. Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's the people I work with. Nobody seems to be self entertaining anymore. Last night I had to work with two people who are like that. On this rare occasion one of them was reading a book and wanted to be left alone, but the other one was not. It's not that I don't like my other co-worker, I do. I just can't help but like her, and I don't know why. Part of it may have to do with the fact that I have a bit of a crush on her (Damn you straight women with boyfriends!); but she seems to need to be constantly entertained. In fact that is what she asks of me when we work together and she gets too bored, "Addyyyyy, entertain me, this place sucks!" And a majority of the time I will happily oblige her in conversation or jokes, or what have you.

I have noticed though that if one does not entertain said co workers sufficiently one is met with a chorus of "Addyyyy, you're boring. Haha. Stop being so quiet."

I never understood people that needed others to talk to. Not saying that I don't need to talk to people every now and then and that I don't crave company at times as well. Both of these co-workers are not only children and I think this has a bit to do with it.

For most of my childhood I was an only child. I also didn't have a lot of friends at times, so if someone couldn't come out to play or had to go home or go somewhere, I had to find a way to occupy myself. This happened a lot. There were countless times I would gather up my imaginary friends to play a game of cards in my room, or Hungry Hungry Hippos, Scrabble, whatever. I also had a habit of playing hide and seek by myself as well sometimes. Or I would read a book, watch a movie, or just put on one of my long skirts that twirled when you spun around the way that girls love and dance to a Madonna record. Point being, you do what you have to do so that you wouldn't get bored.

My co-workers, and some friends, do not seem to understand that I am not reliable for 24/7 entertainment. I can go through a chatty phase and talk my head off to you for three hours straight. Just as quickly as I did that I can get very quiet and fixated on something else other than you. Like my phone, a book, or a sketch/piece of literature I'm working on. Sometimes I just get very oddly quiet because I'm stuck in my own head in a moment of introspection. I can't help it, it's just something I do. I get lost in that world above my eyebrows sometimes and there really is no way of knowing when I'll find my way back. Also, if we don't know each other well...I'm kind of awkward.

It is at that moment where the annoyance comes into play. At first by someone else, and than by me. I hear this a lot, "Why are you so quiet? Is something wrong? Did I say something bad? Are you angry or sad?" Nope, just reading or not talking...or being quiet. These answers do not always suffice; then the person either repeats their query over and over again every couple of minutes until I sighingly (Shut up, it's a word, I made it up but it's a word.) put down my book or object, or force myself into the real world long enough to hold a conversation. Or they think I'm ignoring them and being rude in some fashion.

And I feel horrible because it's not necessarily that I don't want to talk to you (Although, let's be honest, sometimes that's true.) I just don't always have the capacity to do so. When I get into my quiet moments sometimes I lose the ability to have a conversation with someone because I'm so preoccupied. Taking away my object of preoccupation does not end the preoccupation because now I'm thinking about anything other than what we're talking about. People really need to learn how to entertain themselves.

And if you're friends with the 'funny girl' or the 'crazy girl' read this, and know that sometimes us class clowns need downtime as well. If you have a wind up toy and you continuously wind it up day in and day out, the mechanism will break. Give your toy a rest. Sometimes, as odd as it may seem, we just aren't in the mood to make you happy like you're some Roman emperor. It's a give and take.

Random Question 4:

It's your first day of vacation, what are you doing?

I'm probably sleeping or lazing around in the hotel room. Maybe watch some TV while drinking a beer or reading a book. Listening to some music. Or just sitting and enjoying the silence.

Between work and home and Girl Scouts, there really isn't a lot of quiet time in my life. There's always some noise, someone yelling at someone, siblings running around and being loud. My stepfather watching TV and thinking that either the football team or O'Reilly can hear him. When I take my vacation this October that is the first thing I will do. I am not going to leave that hotel room unless I have to, I am going to be completely quiet and sleep in all day and enjoy the silence and enjoy being alone. Completely alone with a buffer zone of at least 500 miles between me and my family and work.

2 comments:

  1. sometimes a girl just needs to be left alone! but a teacher once told me only boring people get bored. So if the same people are in constant need of entertainment... it's probably because they are too boring to live their own lives.

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  2. I know how you feel. If you have a quiet moment or something, just don't wanna talk, people think you're angry with them.

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