I just realized I lost five days with this 25 random questions challenge. Bad me, I know.
I had something that I actually wanted to write about, but my mind is listless and lazy and I'm in some sort of foul mood that's apparently been malingering for the past day or two and has just now surfaced and won't go away. Was that a run on sentence or actual correct writing/grammar? I have no fucking clue and don't care.
I have been so meh about what I had promised to write. Apparently I just couldn't find it in me to write a short back story about a fictional character of an awesome story that I had renamed for some blog challenge. So let's just forget that I was supposed to write about Captain Hook and maybe it will resurface in a short time when I'm actually able to concentrate. I really can't concentrate, I don't know why. I try to do one thing and then I blank out and go do another completely different thing.
I stupidly asked my friend out about a week ago. I really shouldn't have, I should have listened to all my female friends when they said it would be a bad idea to date a friend and the friendship would never be the same. Of course, I didn't even get that far actually. I asked him over the phone if he thought of me the same way. His reply was really confusing to me but boiled down to 'no, sorry'. The whole situation is confusing to me still. We flirt like crazy and he grabs my boobs all the time and let's me hang all over him and feel him up. I once even sent a picture of my tits to him for his birthday and he liked it, or acted like it at least. Then I call him and apparently he only thinks of me as a friend?
My friends were right, it does change the relationship. Although not on his side, bless him, he's still a sweetheart. I told him that if he didn't like me we could pretend the whole conversation never happened. I knew I should have messaged or e-mailed him instead. It has less of an impact than a verbal conversation.
I thought I'd be fine with a rejection but for some reason I feel like punching him in the head. I'm not very sad, more angry than anything. Probably for all the years that I've apparently been led on. Lesson learned ladies and gents, never listen to friends who say another friend confessed to liking you in that way while drunk. It was probably a load of shit.
I don't think I can be around him or talk to him. I deleted him off my phone out of annoyance and would delete him from my Face Book, but I think that would be kind of awkward. Plus I believe I just need to let the anger run its course and I'll be fine. I just don't think I can go drinking with my friends if he's with them for a bit though. It's the little things about him that are annoying me. Like how he randomly commented on slightly old and stupid status updates on my Face Book two days after our phone conversation. I want to go up to him and say, "Hey PJ, it's great that we can stay friends and all after all that but can you do me a favor and not fucking touch me anymore or flirt with me, because you send mixed signals and that shit tends to cause problems. You're so smart, you're stupid. Seriously." Also I've had a crush on this guy for 12 years. That probably has something to do with it as well.
I think I'm angry because I believed I had a chance to be with someone that would make me happy and end my pattern of fucked up relationships. To be with someone that would truly get me.
I need a clone of myself to be satisfied in a relationship. I really believe that and I can't wait until they can make people clones. Sometimes I think I'll always be alone in part because I sometimes think that I'm too screwed up for someone to stay with me. Not to mention that there's so many things that people do that disgust me to my core and are deal breakers. I don't think I'll ever find someone that's a truly good and nice person. I think they've all been snatched up and all that's left is rotten fruit. Or maybe it's just the people living in Baltimore.
Sometimes I can't figure out if I'm picky or just have a low tolerance for bullshit. Then I settle on some sort of middle ground between the two, which is probably the most correct answer.
Oh well, c'est la vie. If I believed in using symbols in blog entries I'd put a 'tongue sticking out face' at the end of that.
Well now that I've finally gotten that out of my system maybe I'll be able to concentrate better. Moving on, I believe it's five questions that I have missed so here we go.
Random Question 9:
How long was it from the 'first date' until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?
You know what? Fuck you.
Random Question 10:
Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?
Too loud. I can deal with quietness. If a place is too quiet I'll make my own noise or turn on a radio. I can't deal with a place that is too loud sometimes. It can set me into a state of agitation.
Random Question 11:
What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
I was going to say loyalty, but I think it's definitely honesty. I like relationships with no holds barred honesty (not to be confused with being a dick, which is what some people do.). If you're that honest with each other than loyalty comes naturally and you don't have to worry about it.
Random Question 12:
At the good old general store, what type of candy would you usually expect to find on a big jar on the counter.
Some sort of butterscotch candy. I love butterscotch candy...and caramels. They're my favorites. Or peppermints.
Random Question 13:
What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?
I don't really know. I'm going to guess possibly the inner harbor? Or it could be Poe's grave site, or his house. Which by the way is still open according to the website. Awesome and good for them!