Thursday, February 2, 2012

29 Days Of Sex: Monogamy

Woohoo, 29 days of sex! My favorite topic! Sounds exciting...and chafing. Remember, lube is your friend everyone. No need to be embarrassed about using it.

As I said before in a previous post, I shall be doing a 29 days of sex blog challenge. Actually it's more than just sex. Relationships, love and the like, but this was the only accurate title I could think of without making it sound like it was some mushy Valentine's thing.

Yes there will be boobies and wanton images on some posts; so to my blushing flowers out there, kindly avert your gaze at the right moments as you giggle and redden and remember it's all in good fun...or press the back button on the browser, whatever.

Man what a lackluster start to this blog challenge. Had to skip a day though. Someone at work called out with pneumonia and I worked a double overnight shift, then had to be back in at 4pm today. I'll do a double post tomorrow to keep on track. Now on to the first writing prompt.

Has society outgrown monogamy?

This was a statement proclaimed to me by a friend on a late night drive. she was telling me about this somewhat complicated relationship she's struck up with her boss' girlfriend behind her own fiance's back. We then went on to discuss some of her other relationships and conquests. I came to realize that quite a few of them were of the extra marital variety. Her myriad of relationships has led her to believe that cheating can be forgiven because our society has just grown out of monogamy. She doesn't believe that anyone can ever truly be monogamous and the loyalty found in one on one relationships is doomed to falter sooner or later.

My friend JessJess on the other hand thinks that our society has just grown selfish and immature. That we are too impatient to work on a relationship and try and fix things that can be fixed easily or with a little bit of work/counseling.

I tend to think it's a bit of both actually; along with some few odds thrown in. I think that maybe we have outgrown a need to only have monogamous relationships, if there ever was a true need in the past. I think by now we should have grown as a society to be able to accept relationships outside of the average monogamous heteronormative relationships you usually see.

I'm also not going to deny that with every passing year we seem to be made up of more and more man-children. I don't know what the feminine form of that is but they are also included, yes. There are no baby boomers or Generation X...Y Z, what have you. We are nothing but a Me Generation. If it's not all about us all of the time, we couldn't give a shit and that goes for our relationships as well. Throw in stubbornness and an inability to be honest with each other for more than two seconds and you have a recipe for a disastrous relationship with a side of regret.

I don't think everyone is cut out for a monogamous relationship, and likewise, not everyone is cut out for a polygamous relationship either. To me it boils down to communication and honesty. I've seen so many friends of mine who were scared to be honest with their partners about simple things. These people had an on going inability to communicate like adults in their adult relationship. Because they couldn't be honest to their significant other they felt it was the same the other way around. And a good bunch of times it was. Of course it was, how could it not be when you can't even sit down like grown adults and talk shit out?

I've always said I valued honesty and loyalty, all throughout my pre adolescent, teen years and even now. But I've come to notice that I value honesty above loyalty. My thought on that is this, if you have honesty, you don't have to worry about loyalty. If you are truly honest with each other, you don't have to worry that they're having sex with someone without your knowledge. You won't have to worry if your relationship is going down the tubes without you seeing any 'signs'. The only 'sign' that something is wrong would be an open, earnest discussion with your partner about the things that are wrong that need to be worked on together.

Yes, together.

A problem in a relationship, even if it is originating from one of you, is a problem for both of you. There is no me in a relationship of any kind. If you want to live together and aren't just in it for a booty call every now and then, you have to drop the selfish shit and realize that although you can keep your individuality you are now a unit. Even more so if you get married. If you don't believe that it is working out and you two need to split, or if you realize that you don't want to be steady with someone but they do, the answer is not to cheat on them. That causes so many more problems than it helps...and it makes you a douche. The answer is to be honest and open. To be smart enough to realize that this ship is sinking, and you need to abandon it before it takes both of you down with it.

I would rather have someone tell me that they didn't love me anymore than have to realize that from catching them cheating on me. Of course I would be hurt and angry at first. Who doesn't when going through a break up? But I would get over it and respect them more than if they just stopped calling and ignored me, or if they saw another person behind my back.

I don't think that monogamy is bad or that we've outgrown it as a whole. I just think that people are stupid, selfish, dishonest and shitty at communicating with others. I think that if we see a relationship isn't working for any reason at the present time we just throw up our hands and cry, 'fuck it!' and walk away from something that could have been worked out.

1 comment:

  1. I love how you labeled this as 'long ass post'. Basically, I think think if you want to be monagamous go for it, if you want to go bang a different person every night, your business. But I don't like liars and cheaters are liars. There is no argument there.

    I think most importantly people need to stop thinking they are the center of the universe because they have a youtube channel, relationships are give and take, love, work, and honesty.

    Also, I find it funny that 'Let's get Physical' is playing on your song channel right now.


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