Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Concept Of Virginity

I am really going to have to play catch up here. Sorry for the lack of postage, work has interfered and I've been sick.

Are you still a virgin? When do you think you actually lose your virginity?

I am still a virgin.

Virginity is a funny concept when you think about it and one that we could discuss for ages, so I'll try and keep this kind of short. It is at times a physical condition, a spiritual one, and sometimes somewhere in between. To define virginity you have to define the rules and paradigm within which that state resides. This is different to everyone, especially if you define virginity as someone who has had sex because everyone has different definitions of sex.

Most people would not define oral sex as sex. The same goes for manual stimulation or mutual masturbation. Some people believe that only vaginal penetration with a penis is sex and anal doesn't count, so you can have anal sex and still be a virgin. For some any type of sex is actual sex and if you engage in it thus ends your status of virgin. Then there are people who believe that it must also be consensual and so survivors of rape are still virgins, if they were before being raped, because it was not their choice.

The concept of virginity is also different based on sexual orientation and gender. In the gay community some lesbians believe that fingering or having oral sex counts. I remember experiencing this mindset when my then girlfriend essentially cherry blocked herself for the night. She had picked me up from a late class and we started making out in her car. She was trying to persuade me to go to her apartment and let her use her strap-on on me. I was hesitant and she laughed and blurted out, 'Why? It's not like you're a virgin anyway.'

I was thoroughly confused and she explained that lesbians consider manual and oral, both of which we had done at that point, as actual sex and if you did that you were no longer a virgin. She went to kiss me and I flipped out and started crying and tried arguing the status of my virginity, stating that if I had known that I never would have done that with her and debating the concept of virginity all at the same time.

She pulled a glorious 'What the fuck?!' face and started backtracking. 'Calm down, maybe you are still a virgin, how am I supposed to know? This is just what I define sex as, so to me you wouldn't be a virgin but I'm probably wrong.'

I believe my response after that was something along the lines of, 'You're an idiot, I want to go home.' Consequentially I don't remember much of any type of sex being had by either party that night and after I told her, in no uncertain terms, that I still considered myself a virgin, the topic was never brought up again.

But it did make me take a long, hard look at what I consider virginity and the confines within which that status, and the answer to this writing prompt, lies for me.

I view virginity and its loss, as a series of small corruptions with consensual vaginal penetration by a man to be the biggest of them all and the ender of "the game". To me anal sex is a bit of a grey area that threatens to cross the line but doesn't actually do it. Besides giving head I've never had any type of sex with a man, so even though I've been with women I still believe I am a virgin.

I know Wikipedia is looked down on, but this article is very interesting on the concept of virginity and more importantly, so are some of its sources. This article on the history of virginity, has some interesting tidbits as well.


  1. Wikipedia is looked down on by idiots. Interesting post!

    1. I just wanted to declaim it myself before anyone else did, haha. :p


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