Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Seizures And Cookies

Man I wish that I was writing about cookies so good they induced seizures. Or some sort of seizure that made you want to bake cookies so good they induced seizures; so it was some kind of fucked up cycle of eating cookies and having seizures. But no.

Some dude that came in to fill an application at my work had a seizure. Not going to lie about it. At first it was a bit exciting because I was there, trying to take control of the situation where it was needed and instructing my manager and co worker on what to do when I had to. My co worker wanted to put something in his mouth to bite down on. She has an excuse, she's old, so she still believes that myth that they'll bite off their tongues or swallow them. My manager called 911 while she put him on his side because by that time he was salivating and frothing and trying to cough it up on his back. Then we just stood there.

I know it sounds like we were waiting with our thumbs up our asses, but seizures are a lazy man's emergency. There really isn't much you can do.

Basically you first try to protect the person from injury the best you can. This can be done one of two ways:
Either you A. move shit out of their way so they don't hit themselves on it, or have it fall on them.

Or B. if they're sitting in a chair, try to keep them from falling or gently guide them down to the floor and away from things. Than follow instruction A.

Try to put them on their side so any liquids will leak out of their mouths and they won't choke.

If their head is banging against the floor a lot, gently and carefully, put some sort of pillow or cushioning underneath the head.

Holy shit, don't put anything in their mouths!

Having been in a room while this guy I was seeing had an epileptic fit I can attest that ,yes, seizures are scary as shit. Even if they're small ones like the guy's at work was. With all the grunting and the convulsing and jaw clenching, yeah it does look like their tongue could be in trouble; but for all that is fucking holy don't put anything in their mouths. You could cause them injury or death and they could injure you by biting you. They can't control what they're doing, so don't think it's going to be some sort of little nip.

After that, don't try to hold them down or restrain them; you can cause injury to them and them to you that way. Just take a step back and let them seize while you call 911 and keep an eye on them.
(Resources for further reading on giving aide to seizure victims.)

Thankfully his sisters were in the same general vicinity as him. And this awesome random black dude who saw what was happening and came to help because, coincidentally, his cousin also has seizures. I told my manager I was going back to answering calls since the sisters were there and an ambulance was on the way and everything was under control. Don't look at me like that, I have a job and they didn't need me anymore. Plus, his sisters confirmed that he sometimes has these, so it's not like these were unusual for him.

I sat down and only got to answer one fucking call when all of a sudden there's a bunch of hollering from the front of the office. I thought he was having another seizure and look over. At first it looked like my manager was waving her arms at the black dude and the dude looked like he was holding a gun. I got a little worried but was actually more confused about this. I mean, what the fuck ARBD?! I thought we were chill! Then I realized he's holding his phone and pointing, not holding a gun, and the person jumping and flailing around goes after my manager who I can now see. Holy fuck, seizure dude is attacking my manager!

His sister yells for us to lock our doors because they're afraid that he's going to try and come through the doors to us. Apparently this behavior is not usual for him and it just so happens the ambulance just has to be taking their good old fucking time about shit this time around.

Of course all we can do is close the second set of doors because none of our fucking doors, except for the door to the recording room, can fucking lock. Well isn't that some shit. I'm now getting scared, calm attitude and knowing what to do be damned! It's panic attack time! I feel like I can't breathe and I want to be away from all the commotion so I go to exit out the back door and well wouldn't you fucking know it? The damn construction workers blocked off the fucking door with wood so that the concrete wouldn't bust through while they were working on the walk way above us. For fuck's sake. I'm about to lock myself in the recording room and sit in a corner when ARBD tackles the guy and restrains him on the floor until the ambulance arrives.

My manager got a cut on her nose from where he hit her and two cuts on her hand and arm from where he grabbed at her. She's shaken up, but other than that she's OK. The ambulance comes and makes sure everyone's OK and takes him away.

I have no clue what the hell happened after I left the room, but I feel so bad for him. I hope he's OK.

It really reminds me though that I want so badly to get CPR and first aide certified. Knowing what to do definitely makes me calmer. I'm an anxious bitch, sometimes I'm just no good in an emergency. This time I surprised myself though...until bitches started getting attacked.

Work is getting too crazy. Oy vay.

Too long; didn't read: After today, my work is getting doors that lock.

Now for something completely different....cookies! Berger's is selling limited edition cookies from 1972. As in they used to sell them in 1972 and now they're bringing them back for a limited time only (as of now, only one more week.). Not that they found some from 1972 on a shelf and are selling them. Although to be honest they might as well be.

To put it bluntly, I think they suck. Berger's is famous for their shortbread cookies (that are only sold here in Baltimore.) with a thick chocolate fudge topping. Those do rock, let's not make any bones about that. I love freezing them and then eating them with milk. Those are the only ones they sell...ever. They also have some sort of cake that I've been told is sold in Giant stores, but I've never seen it or noticed it.

But these? Save your money.

First off, they don't have fudge on them. It's some sort of icing or frosting. They come in three flavors: strawberry, rum and lemon. And they all suck. There's just something about the taste, I can't pin point it or explain it, it's just not good. It's got an odd flavor and at times is too sweet and just doesn't go with the cookie.

Which is horrible; I was really interested in them and like their cookies.

If they want to change their stuff around, I really wish they would stick with the same regime but add tweaks. Keep the fudge topping, but if you want strawberry, why not strawberry fudge? Or peanut butter for that matter. That would rock out with its cock out. Until then I'll enjoy the normal Berger's.


  1. OMG, finally someone else who realizes you don't put shit in seizing people's mouths. My mom used to teach special education kids and she always told me you just move stuff out of the way, make sure they're not going to hit anything or fall down stairs, and pretty much just wait. I witness a girl have a seizure in a pedicure chair when I was doing nails at a salon. It was pretty scary. She peed herself and everything. When she came to, she was like, "Oh yeah, I pass out a lot." Um, no. That wasn't you just "passing out".

    1. Yeah, I was internally horrified when I heard her say that, haha.

      Poor pedicure girl. Mayhaps she was just embarrassed and tried to play it off. Might not be everyday she pees into her pedicure water, lol.


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