Thursday, March 1, 2012

My Best Sex Advice

Last day! I bet you're sore, but one last question. What is your best sex advice?

I can only think of a few things that I think are important, especially for the younger generation (I worry about my sister's generation. Did you know these kids have pregnancy pacts now? They're really popular with high schoolers. What the fuck!?), to know. And none of them have anything to do with some awesome sex move I had hiding up my sleeve. Sorry.

* If you aren't comfortable being naked in front of someone, then you're not ready for sex.

When my friend and I were in high school we were given pamphlets on teenagers, puberty, and all that other awkward stuff they leave brochures to tell you about. This was one of the first things listed on this little questionnaire they had to determine whether or not you were emotionally ready to have sex. When I read it back then, it just made sense and clicked with me. Even after all these years it still makes sense to me now and, I think, is a really good piece of advice.

* If you can't tell him what you like and what you don't while he's doing it, you might not be ready to have sex.

Communication is key to everything especially during sex. How are you going to be able to tell your partner to stop if things get to be too much or taken too far if you can't even say something as simple as, "I don't like it when you thrust your fingers into me that hard." I mean, if you're going to have sex or do something with your partner it might as well be enjoyable right? If it's not, why are you having it?

* One condom is all you need. Also if he says the condom is too small, he's fucking lying.

Whenever I overhear a younger person tell someone to double up on condoms, or say something about using two at the same time, I cringe. This doesn't work, it's counter intuitive. Two just causes more friction and makes them more likely to break.

The second part I also hear as an excuse to why someone didn't use a condom. One of my friends is especially bad about this and it makes me worry for her.

"But Addy! He can't help it, his penis is too big for the condom. It'll tear if we use it."


There is a condom store, I believe it is in New York, that has employees who will demonstrate the strength of any condom in the store by putting it over their head. Howie Mandel also did something similar on stage. Although his was for comedic effect and not for a lecture on safe sex.

If it can fit over this dude's head, it can fit over your penis.

And just in case you are somehow so freakishly large that no company can make a condom big enough to fit your penis (which is impossible.), there are other ways you can stay safe. Like getting screened every 6 months for STD's and making sure you know your partner's history; using other forms of protection such as the pill, spermicidal creams, female condoms. Using some of these methods in conjunction with others.

Long story short, no excuses (Almost wrote sexcuses for a second there).

OK, maybe one bit of sex advice related to a move.

Guys remember, you are not flicking the little man out of his canoe if you catch my drift. Small circles, massage slowly. Or massage in a back and forth motion. I wish more of the men I've been with knew that.