Sunday, May 20, 2012

Another Random Thoughts Post

When I wasn't catching up on the Nostalgia Chick videos at work, I found myself thinking odd things. Like:

Do you ever think God has Dissociative Identity Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? Maybe a combination of both? It would explain a lot of things about religion in general.

Sometimes Ricky Gervais' laugh makes him sound like a muppet. Or like a squeaky toy is trying to make its way out of his lungs. Or like a clown is sodomizing a rubber ducky. Or like he's doing Joker impressions. Or like he's been locked in an insane asylum for ten years and has been reduced to drawing vulgar cartoons on the padded walls in his own fecal matter for entertainment because they don't trust him with pencils or markers.

I don't understand pop music, as a genre. I mean I like some of it, I'll listen to it, give it a try but I don't understand how it's a genre. Pop is short for popular. I don't think it should actually be a genre of music. It should just be an adjective used to describe most of the radio play music you hear. How is it a genre? In Japan (and probably other places, but I've heard it used to describe some genres of J-Pop usually) there is a genre called 'bubblegum pop' music. Bubblegum is the really pretty, kind of preppy music. Think 'Baby One More Time' by Brittany Spears for an American version I guess. I've heard people call Blink 182 punk pop music. So obviously pop is the genre and everything else is a qualifier. But then I hear that punk pop is not to be confused with or is the same as pop punk (Fuck the what? Exactly!) which is what Green Day would be it seems. If they're not the same thing then pop shouldn't be a genre of music. We need to come up with a new word for pop and let it stay as an adjective.

Is it just me or do the olives that restaurants and carry out places put in your Greek salad remind anyone else of a penis? Both by look and taste. I mean seriously, take a good look at those olives the next time you're about to put one in your mouth. The part where the stem should be totally looks like the head of a penis. And it kind of tastes like it to in a weird way. They're my favorite kind of olives besides black olives. Yes, my favorite olive is dick, shut up.

You know that last one is going to be a revelation to any and all of the cocksuckers that read this blog. And they'll most likely never say it, but all the straight men are now going to go buy a Greek salad and only eat the olives thinking, 'So that's what it's like. I'm fucking delicious!'

Yes men, yes you are.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Seminars Are Boring And Craig Is Awesome

For the past two days I've been going to a supervisor's seminar with my supervisor and my office manager. Despite my resistance to the apparent impending promotion it seems I am being groomed, and have been for some time now, to become a supervisor if the owner of my company OK's it. It's not all bad, it should come with a pay increase of a dollar and hopefully that will help me in my goal to move out and get my own place. However they need someone who will basically make this job their career and hand their free time over to the company. They need someone who will come in if they're called or needed and I need a second job most likely. I also want to go back to college. Hopefully we can work around this.

The seminar actually was informative and eye opening on some things. It helped me understand some things about my workplace and where my higher ups are coming from. It was very weird to be seated in a room with a bunch of supervisors and some owners of their respective companies and be seen as an equal. It felt very grown up.

I felt somewhat dumb on the way home though. Sometimes when I get new information on things or anticipate something happening in the future I get very excited. A little too excited for my own good. I talked with my coworkers about ideas we could implement in our own company and 'awesome things to do' to improve the workplace. Then I remembered that there are very few actual supervisors where I work, we are a very small company, and our abilities to improve and do things are landlocked by shitty management.

There were two really good things about the seminar though. There was this hot lesbian that was nice to look at. Until my manager pointed out that she kind of looked like Justin Beiber. Which weirded me out when I thought of the fact that a couple of lesbians I've seen that resemble him I thought were hot, but I don't think he's hot. Not sure what that is supposed to say about me. Apparently I only like Justin Beiber if someone slaps a vagina on him? I don't know.

And Craig.

Craig was a nervous, most likely gay ( change that to highly likely), self proclaimed mama's boy. He was also completely hilarious and awesome. We were the bitchy queens of our corner.

At one point we were listening to ideas of fun things to do around the office to instill company pride and bring up worker morale.

Speaker: Now we've come to the fun part of the presentation!
Me: Oh Craig, there's a 'fun part'!
Craig: Finally.
Speaker: *Starts listing ways to make work more fun like company picnics and the like.*
Another thing we did at our company was to "adopt" a child (at this point I swear to Christ I heard her say they adopted a burn ward child.)
Me: Ohhh...burned children...that's
Craig: Eww children! *shivers*

This is not to say that I have anything against helping burn victims, especially if they're children. It's a very nice and charitable thing to do. But calling it fun and lumping it in the same vein as holding a company picnic...not so sure about that, but different strokes and all that.

Also not saying that my employers money was ill spent sending me there and that I gained nothing from the seminar. Five hours in a room listening to business talk, sitting in a chair that chafes your thighs and hurts your legs and ass and you'd get catty too.

In the same likeness as the Skippy's List, I now have a list of things I can no longer do at seminars, or was specifically told I couldn't do.

Things Addy DelaMorte Can't Do At Seminars/Meetings:
  1. Ask or imply that I expected strippers to be there.
  2. Write God as my name on my name card.
  3. Fill my water gun with juice in case I get thirsty.
  4. Live tweet.
  5. At no point may I use the term 'dicking around' for any reason whatsoever.
  6. Not even when the meeting breaks for lunch.
  7. Or when eating breakfast in the lobby.
  8. Shout 'STRANGER DANGER!' when the speaker hugs you.
  9. Tell people I used to sell vibrators for a living before I got my job with the company I'm with now when asked to share something about myself.
  10. Talk about blow up dolls and the different variations.
  11. Not allowed to suggest 'face punching time' as a realistic disciplinary action when brainstorming ideas for dealing with problem employees.
  12. Not allowed to hint to other companies that I'm looking for a new job.
  13. Or outright beg them to 'take me with you'.
  14. Can't draw tattoo designs when the meeting is in progress.Link
You know, sometimes I really miss selling plastic dongs and nipple tassels to people.

Mondrian Mousepads

I woke up laughing today. It's a very odd thing, I suddenly remembered something out of the blue and I'm not sure what brought it on.

I used to have an online store on Cafe Press called Sickness Inc. and my user name was CutelyEvil. I had a bunch of ideas for buttons and the like, still do, and I thought it was a neat idea to be able to come up with designs and be able to sell them and make money.

I was trying to come up with a design for a mouse pad when I thought of a Mondrian inspired art piece. I was really into Mondrian for a stint in high school and trying to think of stuff for the online store kind of brought it back out in me. I don't know what it is about his art that I like, but I love looking at his pieces. I really like abstract art and things to begin with, I think I was intrigued by how straight and uniform everything seemed.

Anyway, someone bought it and the store was not selling and I didn't have the money or time to put into it to upgrade it and stuff like that. Because of Cafe Press' policy on only giving you checks if it goes over a certain amount, I never saw the money from it either. Didn't really matter to me as it was only five dollars.

I still just think it's funny, that if I accomplish nothing I can still at least say that somewhere out there someone has a mousepad I designed.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Let's Procrastinate Together

So I'm back. Gotta say, not too fond of my Blogger homepage layout. Why the fuck did Blogger have to go all Facebook on our asses? 

Two and a half months. This is exactly why I shouldn't take breaks. I only meant to not write for two weeks after the last blog challenge. I was supposed to also be working on my stories. I haven't been doing jack shit.

At first one month went by and then a half a month went by. By then I was like 'Fuck it! Go big or go home, let's finish out this month doing nothing too!', so I did. It's not entirely my fault. I've been really tired and "blech" lately. Not sure why. Especially recently I've been having really weird mood swings and keep almost crying or tearing up about everything. I just feel sad at odd moments and I just want to sleep. I've also been having these small, minor panicky episodes lately.

Like a week ago I was at work by myself on the night shift, giving out some information to a hospital who wanted to know where to call to get their test results. I can feel my eyes watering and my voice getting thick as I refer the nurse to a different hospital. After hanging up I had to sit there and give myself a minute to get myself under control. For no reason at all....fucking crazy.

Sometimes I think I'd feel better if I did just have one big cry, but I have qualms about crying that go way back. It's very hard for me to actually cry. I might cry for a couple of seconds or shed a tear or two but unless something major happens, or I have some sort of break, everything kind of just gets shoved down and tucked away inside. I'll sit in my car after work trying to calm down, wanting to cry and waiting for the tears to come....and I just sit. Sometimes it just feels like crocodile tears because I don't actually cry. I make weird little moaning sobs but no tears actually come. Then I just feel embarrassed, angry, and worse than before.

I think I'm going to give myself a week to get my shit together, hopefully I'll stop acting like a little asshole by then.  And hopefully I'll be finished a short story as well, or have an actual blog post.

Until then it's Show And Tell Time.  Here are some random websites and Youtube videos I've been using to procrastinate with. Hopefully they entertain you as much as they have entertained me.

I have been really getting into Tumblr lately. I don't quite understand it, or why it won't let me comment on things like a normal blog, but some of the pages are really neat.

Pandacatapus is pretty awesome. I love the chick that owns this Tumblr. I think she's equal parts smart and hilarious. Even if I don't agree with her on some things I think she raises good questions on some of her posts. I found her by one of her Youtube videos. It was her take on Shit Girls Say. I was going to put it up here but she said on her page that she wishes people would just forget about it, so I felt awkward. Apparently she's gotten hate mail because some idiots don't understand what a spoof is. Or that just because one person shares their experience of something that happened, it doesn't mean all (insert demographic here) have done that or act like that.

Fuck Yeah Dykes
Exactly what it says on the tin. I love lesbians, especially the more butch or androgynous ones which this site is chock full of.

Also it has this cute video that somebody submitted.

So now I can't hear this song without thinking of dancing queers. Which totally makes it better.

Goths Up Trees
Being as the person that owns this Tumblr comments and rates the pictures, it's almost like a weird version of Hot Or Not. It's sometimes funny. Mainly I really like the pictures and the clothing being shown in them.

Which makes me sad that this Tumblr page was updated for a couple of months and then forgot about. The commentary was kind of mean, but that was the point. It was also funny and I loved the pictures. I like seeing how other people do their goth make up and how they dress.

By the way, has anyone noticed that the Look At This Fucking Hipster blog is now down? Seems to be for good I guess. Sucks.

Fuck Yeah Wiccan Raven
When looking for new Tumblrs to peruse, I've gotten into the habit of just writing 'Fuck Yeah' before...anything. I think they might make up 70 percent of Tumblr. This one is cute though. Some of the Wiccan Raven memes really take me back to the days when the occult section in our local bookstore was one half of a shelf case located near the UFO section. You had one shelf that had pagan related books, about half of the shelf below it, then paranormal and a bunch of UFO related shit.

I have been getting really addicted to 'Shit X Say' spoofs that people are putting up on Youtube. Some of them are hit or miss though.

I love the blue hair so much. Damn can I relate to this though, I can't tell you how many of these I've gotten before.

Relevancy out the ass on this one as well.

I fucking died. I've both said and recognized so many things from this one I almost felt embarrassed. Almost.

 Haven't heard many of these, but I just thought it was funny and I love the actress.

 Enough with the Shit People Say videos. I have been watching a lot of Let's Play videos as well, having just been clued in to their existence.  Marshmallow Murderer is really funny. Although it seems that now he's working on a Star Wars game, I wish he'd do more survival horror.

Oh well, there's always Psychadelic Snake. He is the biggest spaz I've ever seen. Love his walkthroughs.

Now that I've finished giving everyone even more of a reason to not do shit, I'll see you bitches in a week.

Fuck it, two more:

I was trying to embed this but it seems to have thwarted my tries. It's a funny music video of this song this chick made up called Goth Blocked. Worth a watch.