Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Seminars Are Boring And Craig Is Awesome

For the past two days I've been going to a supervisor's seminar with my supervisor and my office manager. Despite my resistance to the apparent impending promotion it seems I am being groomed, and have been for some time now, to become a supervisor if the owner of my company OK's it. It's not all bad, it should come with a pay increase of a dollar and hopefully that will help me in my goal to move out and get my own place. However they need someone who will basically make this job their career and hand their free time over to the company. They need someone who will come in if they're called or needed and I need a second job most likely. I also want to go back to college. Hopefully we can work around this.

The seminar actually was informative and eye opening on some things. It helped me understand some things about my workplace and where my higher ups are coming from. It was very weird to be seated in a room with a bunch of supervisors and some owners of their respective companies and be seen as an equal. It felt very grown up.

I felt somewhat dumb on the way home though. Sometimes when I get new information on things or anticipate something happening in the future I get very excited. A little too excited for my own good. I talked with my coworkers about ideas we could implement in our own company and 'awesome things to do' to improve the workplace. Then I remembered that there are very few actual supervisors where I work, we are a very small company, and our abilities to improve and do things are landlocked by shitty management.

There were two really good things about the seminar though. There was this hot lesbian that was nice to look at. Until my manager pointed out that she kind of looked like Justin Beiber. Which weirded me out when I thought of the fact that a couple of lesbians I've seen that resemble him I thought were hot, but I don't think he's hot. Not sure what that is supposed to say about me. Apparently I only like Justin Beiber if someone slaps a vagina on him? I don't know.

And Craig.

Craig was a nervous, most likely gay ( change that to highly likely), self proclaimed mama's boy. He was also completely hilarious and awesome. We were the bitchy queens of our corner.

At one point we were listening to ideas of fun things to do around the office to instill company pride and bring up worker morale.

Speaker: Now we've come to the fun part of the presentation!
Me: Oh Craig, there's a 'fun part'!
Craig: Finally.
Speaker: *Starts listing ways to make work more fun like company picnics and the like.*
Another thing we did at our company was to "adopt" a child (at this point I swear to Christ I heard her say they adopted a burn ward child.)
Me: Ohhh...burned children...that's
Craig: Eww children! *shivers*

This is not to say that I have anything against helping burn victims, especially if they're children. It's a very nice and charitable thing to do. But calling it fun and lumping it in the same vein as holding a company picnic...not so sure about that, but different strokes and all that.

Also not saying that my employers money was ill spent sending me there and that I gained nothing from the seminar. Five hours in a room listening to business talk, sitting in a chair that chafes your thighs and hurts your legs and ass and you'd get catty too.

In the same likeness as the Skippy's List, I now have a list of things I can no longer do at seminars, or was specifically told I couldn't do.

Things Addy DelaMorte Can't Do At Seminars/Meetings:
  1. Ask or imply that I expected strippers to be there.
  2. Write God as my name on my name card.
  3. Fill my water gun with juice in case I get thirsty.
  4. Live tweet.
  5. At no point may I use the term 'dicking around' for any reason whatsoever.
  6. Not even when the meeting breaks for lunch.
  7. Or when eating breakfast in the lobby.
  8. Shout 'STRANGER DANGER!' when the speaker hugs you.
  9. Tell people I used to sell vibrators for a living before I got my job with the company I'm with now when asked to share something about myself.
  10. Talk about blow up dolls and the different variations.
  11. Not allowed to suggest 'face punching time' as a realistic disciplinary action when brainstorming ideas for dealing with problem employees.
  12. Not allowed to hint to other companies that I'm looking for a new job.
  13. Or outright beg them to 'take me with you'.
  14. Can't draw tattoo designs when the meeting is in progress.Link
You know, sometimes I really miss selling plastic dongs and nipple tassels to people.


  1. "Can't draw tattoo designs when the meeting is in progress" ... I have a dick on my face, don't I?

    lol.. I hope you've seen "10 Things I Hate About You" or that might sound awk-ward...

    You sound like the kind of person that I would have to latch onto at one of those long, boring corporate thingies. Every office should have a 'class clown' or we'd all go insane and torch the place!

    And I have a theory on lesbian Bieber... maybe you're not attracted to the real thing because he's miscast as a young guy? Like, the look isn't right for him...but on an older (and gay) woman...? Not sure if I'm explaining that right, but I can't explain it further b/c I've already thought about Biebs waaaay too much. Gonna go think about Jennifer Lawrence now.

    Have a great weekend :-D

    1. XD I had to look that up on youtube. I love David Krumholtz!!

      I bet that seminar would have rocked if it would have been me, you and Craig. haha.

      And I think I get what you're saying. I mean first off, Beibs is young and I'm not an ephebophile...except for Taylor Momsen but she's legal so screw it, so to think of him as hot is kind of icky anyway. Also his look just looks better on girls. Well his old look anyway, I heard he changed it but I don't really pay attention.

      Plus he may be a good kid, but he's also annoying. Kind of like that one really good kid that every neighborhood seems to have. The one that's always doing stuff for UNICEF or pledging some sort of drive. You know he's a good kid but you just can't help being like, "Justin, I'll go to the church fundraiser this one time, but just get the hell away from me I'm simultaneously getting a tooth and headache."

      You have a great weekend yourself hon'!


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