The seminar actually was informative and eye opening on some things. It helped me understand some things about my workplace and where my higher ups are coming from. It was very weird to be seated in a room with a bunch of supervisors and some owners of their respective companies and be seen as an equal. It felt very grown up.
I felt somewhat dumb on the way home though. Sometimes when I get new information on things or anticipate something happening in the future I get very excited. A little too excited for my own good. I talked with my coworkers about ideas we could implement in our own company and 'awesome things to do' to improve the workplace. Then I remembered that there are very few actual supervisors where I work, we are a very small company, and our abilities to improve and do things are landlocked by shitty management.
There were two really good things about the seminar though. There was this hot lesbian that was nice to look at. Until my manager pointed out that she kind of looked like Justin Beiber. Which weirded me out when I thought of the fact that a couple of lesbians I've seen that resemble him I thought were hot, but I don't think he's hot. Not sure what that is supposed to say about me. Apparently I only like Justin Beiber if someone slaps a vagina on him? I don't know.
Craig was a nervous, most likely gay ( change that to highly likely), self proclaimed mama's boy. He was also completely hilarious and awesome. We were the bitchy queens of our corner.
At one point we were listening to ideas of fun things to do around the office to instill company pride and bring up worker morale.
Speaker: Now we've come to the fun part of the presentation!
Me: Oh Craig, there's a 'fun part'!
Speaker: *Starts listing ways to make work more fun like company picnics and the like.*
Another thing we did at our company was to "adopt" a child (at this point I swear to Christ I heard her say they adopted a burn ward child.)
Me: Ohhh...burned children...that's ...fun.
Craig: Eww children! *shivers*
This is not to say that I have anything against helping burn victims, especially if they're children. It's a very nice and charitable thing to do. But calling it fun and lumping it in the same vein as holding a company picnic...not so sure about that, but different strokes and all that.
Also not saying that my employers money was ill spent sending me there and that I gained nothing from the seminar. Five hours in a room listening to business talk, sitting in a chair that chafes your thighs and hurts your legs and ass and you'd get catty too.
In the same likeness as the Skippy's List, I now have a list of things I can no longer do at seminars, or was specifically told I couldn't do.
Things Addy DelaMorte Can't Do At Seminars/Meetings:
- Ask or imply that I expected strippers to be there.
- Write God as my name on my name card.
- Fill my water gun with juice in case I get thirsty.
- Live tweet.
- At no point may I use the term 'dicking around' for any reason whatsoever.
- Not even when the meeting breaks for lunch.
- Or when eating breakfast in the lobby.
- Shout 'STRANGER DANGER!' when the speaker hugs you.
- Tell people I used to sell vibrators for a living before I got my job with the company I'm with now when asked to share something about myself.
- Talk about blow up dolls and the different variations.
- Not allowed to suggest 'face punching time' as a realistic disciplinary action when brainstorming ideas for dealing with problem employees.
- Not allowed to hint to other companies that I'm looking for a new job.
- Or outright beg them to 'take me with you'.
- Can't draw tattoo designs when the meeting is in progress.