Friday, November 9, 2012

Lost Halloween Post: Top 5 Things That Creep Me Out

For Halloween I decided to do one of those list posts and make a list of the top five things that used to creep me out/unnerve me, both as a child and an adult. Obviously I didn't get to post it on Halloween. I had forgotten to post for a couple of days, then kept winding up in places where I had no internet connection or was not able to get to a working computer. So here we are, the lost Halloween post.


I used to love Operation when I was a kid. Even now it's still pretty cool and you can turn it into an awesome drinking game. However, there are certain implications this game presents to over analyzers like me that make it decidedly creepy. First off, what kind of hospital is this that the patient is awake throughout the entire procedure? And not only that, but he yelps every time you make a wrong move. If you have to remind your doctor on the correct procedures of taking out your spleen, you might want to make sure they remembered to wash their hands before they do so, because they probably didn't.

Secondly, only one instance in this entire game has you actually fixing something. The entire game is devoted to taking things out. Not just any things mind you. You're not taking out a shard of glass, or a splinter from your patient. No! You're taking out objects that are supposed to be representing his organs. Even when the organ needed fixing such as the wrenched ankle, or the broken heart, did you fix it? Hell no! You just took that shit out and moved on to the next thing.

What kind of weird shit is that? It's like Milton Bradley was trying to turn us all into a bunch of tiny, incompetent doctors who harvested organs on the side. In fact, I kind of think that was the whole object of the game. You were an organ harvester in a rush which is why you couldn't knock your patient out in time. Oh sure, you tried to put him to sleep since an alive patient would just complicate things; but you couldn't wait for him to fully go under. Explains why Cavity Sam (Who the fuck names their patient that? Only a doctor who sees humans as something to be dissected and harvested like fruit for money names people that.) can't say anything except a poor excuse for a yell of pain every now and then while he looks on in abject horror as you slice his ass open. The only reason for the Ankle Bone Connected To The Knee Bone part is to act as a cover just in case one of the other doctors see what you're doing and doesn't get suspicious.


Let me be more specific. I hate the woods at night. I've hated them as a kid even before the Slenderman came into play and I hate them now. I always feel like something is watching me, just waiting for me to be alone. Even now when I'm driving at night I have to have the windows up and the doors locked if I'm driving through or past woods. Even if there are other people in the car I still have to have the windows up, it's not an alone thing.

For some reason I keep getting this paranoid feeling that something is just out of sight in the treeline keeping pace with the car and watching me, waiting for my window to roll down just enough, or waiting for my car to stop, or stall; and when it does it's going to grab me or rush the car.

The Bad Guy From Little Monsters

I absolutely loved Little Monsters as a kid and I still do. It's silly and stupid. However I always felt that the battle the kids engage in against the Boss of the monsters (is that what he was?) was actually really creepy.

The entire tone of the movie changes when they meet the boss guy. All of the monsters up until this point haven't really looked scary or been horrible. I mean, yeah, they scare kids but they're not really good at it if you think about it. They're just goofy looking and, as is shown in the movie, only a literal baby or children younger than 10 is scared of them. They're not really dangerous, they just play stupid pranks on unsuspecting children. That is, until we meet the fuckwad above.

All of the monsters are scared of him. When the children go to meet him the place is deserted. Nobody except for Maurice even shows up to help them. When Brian goes to get Eric they find him tied up with fuckwad throwing darts at his face. That's only after he tries to get them to join him. He acts nice and sweet. He even looks human, but that's not his real face...literally. The camera pans back to show a seam where his skin doesn't meet showing his brain. He is the wolf in sheep's clothing. When he's talking to the kids some stuffed animal with a screwdriver strapped to it tries to drill a hole in Brian's foot when he's not looking. This dude is fucked up and crazy. Unlike the other monsters, he will actually hurt you. Even the monsters he sends after the kids are dangerous looking. No cute spiral horns or absurdly long Big Bird legs. No pretty 80's hair or fluffy fur. What do we get? Skeletal faces and sharp ass teeth with claws.

Those Damn Pictures From Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark


 I loved to read as a kid. I also loved spooky shit so my dad bought me all of these books. They were fucking awesome. I'm actually kind of upset and it ended at three and the author never made more. Those pictures however. To me they made the book scarier. All of them looked diseased with Stephen Gammell's weird spiral tumors that he sometimes drew on them. Or they would taper off into strands that would connect the to other things in the picture. It's like they were growing and taking over.

 Case in fucking point. First off, how the hell do you mistake that thing for a dog? Secondly, what is wrong with it? Don't you fucking tell me rabies. That damn thing has twelve toes and is stranding and spiral tumoring all over the place.

I could never look at them for more than a few moments. Especially the pictures of people's (or creature's as the case may be) faces. All of them looked like they were looking at you, even when they weren't. As a kid I would cover them with my hand. I read the books so much that I knew if there was one of those facial abominations on the other side and would preemptively cover the picture as I turned the page. After a while I had to have part of my shirt or jacket over my hand when I covered the pictures up because I didn't want to actually touch them. It was as if I was afraid that the picture would come to life and bite me, or get me, through the page.

Even with my dislike of the pictures though, I do have to admit I would hate to get rid of them. It just wouldn't be the same book.

The Dark

I am such a child. Yes I am afraid of the dark, more so if I'm alone in the dark.

While I have gained some appreciation for it, and I love night time much more than day time, even now at 26 years of age I am afraid of the dark. As a child I had monsters under the bed and in the closet in droves. Now that I'm older they've mostly gone away. The fear of the dark is largely situational now and still creeps me out. I would rather sleep with some sort of night light, or some illuminate object like those star stickers for ceilings, than in complete darkness. Especially if I'm someplace I don't know like a hotel room or a new house.

In my house I'm unafraid of the dark. I explain to my little brother that the basement is nothing to be afraid of. I think nothing of it now to trounce down the steps without the lights on into the back of the basement to fiddle with a lone string to turn on the light. But through my bravado I know that if you take me out of the safety of the known house and plunked me down in someone else's house I would be turning on every light I came across all the way to the back of the basement.

The dark can hide you, yes. But what is hiding besides you in the dark? I think that's the main thought that's always creeped me out.

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