Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year, New Timeline

Darryl looked over at Chrissy's drawing. The eight year old was happily humming to herself as she drew with her classmates. While the other kids were drawing colorful little houses and animals, Chrissy was busy drawing person after person. One of them had the title 'Mom' but most of them resembled her classmates with one difference. Where eyes should have been were big, black holes. The only hint of color were tiny pinpricks of red in the center. By the way Chrissy was bearing down on her crayon, Darryl assumed it was not just an absence of color but a depth she was trying to convey. Eyeless sockets.

Darryl pulled up one of the little, plastic chairs at the drawing table and sat next to her, hands resting on his knees as he watched her start a new drawing, intrigued.

"What are you drawing Chrissy?" 

"It's Samantha."

Darryl observed her in silence a bit longer as she picked up a bright pink and drew her classmate's skirt, then used a light gray for her shirt. He watched with interest while Chrissy finished the head and the brown hair of her friend, then reached yet again for her black crayon. She completed the first outer ring of black for one eye, pressing down hard, when her abused crayon finally broke into two sending the bottom half skittering across the table. Before Chrissy could get up to retrieve her piece Darryl picked up a blue crayon and handed it to her.

"I think this is the color of Samantha's eyes, or do you think it should be a lighter blue?"

Chrissy shook her head, "No, it's black and tiny red. Just like everyone else's"

"But Samantha doesn't have black and red eyes. Is this a different Samantha?"

"No, it's the same. Her eyes are black with tiny, little red. That's how everyone's eyes are."

"My eyes aren't like that are they? I thought they were brown." 

Darryl arched his eyebrows and looked up wide-eyed to the sky as if he could see his own eyes without a mirror. Instead of smiling or laughing, Chrissy just looked at him with no expression never taking her eyes off of his.

"No, yours aren't like that. Yet."
You can make your own conclusions as to what exactly is happening to people in Chrissy's universe. I got inspired for this one shot story by a mistake I made on my weird art scratch board my sister got me for Christmas. Apparently you're supposed to scratch at the gray areas instead of the black areas and now I have a really crazy looking puffin.
Or a really neat looking one. Maybe a bit of column A and a bit of column B?

Speaking of universe's, I've been reading up on a weird theory roaming around the interweb that our timeline has joined another timeline. Or another has joined ours. Something like that. It started with someone talking about the Berenstain Bears. I think it originated from 4Chan's paranormal board. There are two groups of people. One group swears up and down the name was Berenstein and they've always pronounced it either 'steen' or 'stine'. The other group says they're nuts, it's always been 'stain', pronounced likewise, and ever shall it stay. Now there's another thing that people are talking about within the same topic. Instead of Interview With The Vampire it used to be Interview With A Vampire. Yet everything you look up says otherwise (that it's 'the vampire' and 'stain'). People have even hardcore denied the 'stain' spelling and went to look for old books, or re watched opening scenes for the Bear's TV show, to see what they remembered was wrong and it was the other that was correct.

This has led some people to believe that there were two separate time lines. One where it was 'stain' and 'a' and another where it was 'stein' and 'the'. This group also thinks that someone, I think the government or some group, has gone back to change the books and such to fit whichever time line's past their old timeline crashed into. The other group still thinks they're nuts. I seem to be in an entirely different group so perhaps we should be adding yet another timeline to the mix.

When I was a child I distinctly remember it being spelled Berenstein yet being pronounced Berenstain. I even pointed out the weird pronunciation to my grandmother once, asking her why it wasn't pronounced  'stine' or 'steen' since it was spelled that way. I remember her shrugging and just saying it was pronounced 'stain'. I also remember Anne Rice's novel/movie/whatever as being 'a' and not 'the'.

You can absolutely chalk this up to a combination of shitty memory, adults not understanding children's questions, and my memory being influence by the way I talk and pronounce things. It's completely possible that I just thought the cursive 'a' looked like an 'e' and got confused. It's also possible that my grandmother misunderstood what my little kid self was rambling about and just pointed out that it was pronounced 'stain' yet neglected to clarify that it was indeed spelt that way as well. I've also noticed that when I say Interview With A Vampire out loud, it kind of sounds like Interview With The Vampire. Instead of pronouncing it 'ayy' I say 'uh', and instead of saying 'thee' I say 'thuh' (because pronouncing it 'thee' is weird unless you're specifically emphasizing it). If you say that somewhat quickly (or even normally) it comes out as Interview With The Vampire, so this may be a reason why I and other people that say it like that were never corrected. Shitty memory and not paying attention can also explain the word change for the movie and book as well.

Either way it's kind of neat to think about even if you are with the latter of the two groups and think the former is crazy pants all the way. I did read some one's response on some forum to all of this who thought that someone traveled to the past to change something which is why one of the time lines unraveled and joined this one. All that does is lead me to ask if there are other differences people remember. Also, who are you time traveler? What insignificant thing did you alter to make such insignificant changes?

I hope everyone that reads this has a Happy New Year and gets to do lots of fun stuff. I will be staying at work having a small work party with my late night crew since we all work until midnight anyway (squaresville I know, but I smuggled booze so not that bad). I also hope that I meet you in the same timeline next year with no weird changes. Party hard but stay out of any weird time machines whether they be blue boxes driven by madmen or look like really nice hot tubs. Better stay away from wardrobes to other dimensions and gateways with fractions as well.

Which timeline are you from?

Thursday, December 25, 2014

The Terror Of The Eve

It was midnight exactly and Tristan had just gotten off work. She logged off her computer and stretched every limb while her relief logged on. Her quick hands gathered all her belongings and shoved them into her worn messenger bag, gently pushing them down so the top would Velcro close.

"So sorry you have to work through to Christmas, I hope the night goes by quickly for you." She called over her shoulder to her grumbling co worker as she sprinted out the door.

Heavy purse strapped to her shoulder and hands jammed into her pockets for warmth, Tristan walked through the breezeways of the now deserted office buildings to the parking lot. Teeth chattering, she opened her car door, throwing her purse on the passenger seat then herself into the driver's. She turned the key and immediately drove out of the parking lot, not caring to wait one second longer for the engine to heat up. Waiting for the light to turn Tristan noticed the light fog down the road to her left that led to home. When the light turned green she palmed the wheel and wondered which was more of a pain in the ass to drive in, fog or snow. 

The moment she drove onto the highway Tristan was struck by how bright all the lights were. She had driven home in fog before and this part of the highway in particular was always pretty dim. Driving onward she noticed that not only were all the street lamps exceptionally bright, but there seemed to be more of them lighting the way than normal. A strange sense of fear began to encircle her thoughts, nipping at the edges of her mind. This road was more curvier than she remembered, the turns she was taking either curved too sharply or went the other way. There were also a large number of cars parked on the side of the road. Their interiors dark and their engines turned off. The signs, however, were the same and it was their sameness that urged her on despite the foreignness of the road she traveled. 

It wasn't long before she found the exit, her exit, with all it's familiarities. She found her foot subconsciously pushing harder on the gas pedal, urging the car towards its destination. At first she was happy to be on the correct path again but five minutes of driving, and no actual exiting, later and her happiness turned to a frustrated worry. The exit was much too long. Unable to turn around she kept driving. Another five minutes later and Tristan was nearly in tears. Not only was she still on this exit but her surroundings had started to loop. She drove on by the same signs and markers. At one point Tristan memorized the license plate and model of one of the cars. She passed it three times before she finally allowed the scream that was building inside her to come out.

She beat on her steering wheel and, finding an open spot on the right, parked on the side of the road. Her car jerked into position as she angrily slammed on the brakes. She kicked her door open and jumped out, intent on knocking on every car window until she could hopefully find an owner that could answer her questions. Tristan never even stepped away from the side of her car when the door of the car behind her swung open and a nervous looking man stepped out.

"Please get back in your car, ma'am." He said, clutching the top of his door and looking around, "Trust me, just get back in and try to sleep through the night."

"What is going on?" Tristan said.

She folded her arms but one of her hands found its way to her throat, massaging her voice box. Their voices didn't just sound thick out here in the fog, it felt thick. Nothing was clear outside. Neither sound nor vision or thought. 

"This happens every Christmas Eve, I think anyway." The man shouted. In the growing fog Tristan could see he was already getting back into his car. "I've been stuck here about three times now. Just try to go to sleep or at least keep your eyes closed, and don't get out of your car." 

The dulled thud of the door shutting reaching Tristan's ears. She lingered in her spot turning slowly to see all around her. Along the road other cars gently shifted as their occupants strained to get a better look at the newcomer who had dared to step outside. The car behind her honked its horn. The sound was sharp and clear. It cut through the fog and her entrancement. Shivering more from fright than cold she heeded the man's advice and climbed back into her car, making sure all her doors were locked. 

She hugged herself, placing her hands under her armpits for warmth. The gas gauge read quarter full. Tristan wondered how long her car would stay running. She reached down to turn the heat up and looked at the clock. The neon green of its digital face read 12:59 then changed to 1:00. Her car died. Before she could react there rose a clatter that came from everywhere at once. A clanging of bells mixed with a stamping of hooves and gnashing of teeth. The street lamps swayed with a wind that didn't, or couldn't, shake the cars. Lights once too bright to look at dimmed until they were off completely. Tristan pressed her palms to her ears and strained against the seat belt she left on to look up at the sky. What little light there was left from the stars was blotted out by a growing shadow. The more she tried to look the more her car began to shake until it was rocking back and forth. Tristan grabbed onto the steering wheel and the door handles, anything to keep herself steady, as the car rocked from side to side almost tipping each time. Her windshield had a crack that was slowly making its way from one side to the other. In her panic and above the noise she could vaguely make out the sound of a car horn honking again and again. Tristan threw herself back into her seat and curled in a fetal position. Just sleep, just sleep, just sleep. She repeated the mantra over and over in her head as the car rocked less and less.

Bright sunlight and the sound of voices woke Tristan up. She had wrapped her arms around her head in her sleep so tightly she gave herself a headache. Slowly she unbuckled her seat belt and got out of her car, holding her head and squinting in the sun. Behind her a group of people comprised of drivers and passengers of the other vehicles were helping the nervous man from last night rock his car until it tipped back upright. Tristan blushed a deep crimson knowing this had to be some sort of punishment for helping her. The crowd began to dissipate, everyone trying not to look at each other as they quietly rushed to leave. The man looked over at her and Tristan opened her mouth to apologize. He shook his head.

"Don't talk about it. It's best not to talk about it. Just go home....and maybe in the future get your boss to take you off the night shift if you can."

He got in and shut the door then revved his engine and pulled out, stopping briefly by her side to nod at her before driving away. Tristan looked at her watch half expecting it to be broken but delighted to find it working. It was 1:00pm. Her family was due at her house an hour ago and she was still twenty minutes away. She buckled up almost shouting from happiness when she turned on her own engine to find her gas gauge read full, and once more when her exit connected back to the highway home. She drove over the speed  limit and her mood darkened like the skies were. Soon it looked dark as night again. Even though there were other cars driving around her there was no sound. The more she drove the more the crack in her windshield lessened silently repairing itself with every passing mile, a small comfort to her. At one point at the halfway mark she had pulled to the side of the road, too perturbed by the silence that enveloped everything to go on. She had needed to hear something, anything. The sound of a passing truck, a bird chirp, even the sound of her own hands clapping which she found she couldn't hear while in her car. Tristan stepped out on the small shoulder cautious of the other drivers only to be greeted with blinding sunlight and to find out she was the only person on the road. A sound from in her car caused her to turn around and she saw her gas meter slowly start to deplete and the crack was beginning to come back. She got back in at once and drove home, not stopping again until she was in her drive way.

Once safely inside her house Tristan was overcome by dizziness. She stumbled to her couch next to the door and made it in time to pass out. Tristan woke up to the sound of the door ringing repeatedly and frantic knocking. She looked out the peephole and saw the faces of her family. Tristan took a look at her watch to see it say 12:00am, Christmas. Groggy and confused, she opened the door slowly to have it flung open and out of her hand by family members eager to get in out of the cold.

"Boy Peach, you look rough." Her mother said, inspecting every inch of her face with her eyes.

"Yeah, it's so weird. Last night I..." But Tristan stopped when she heard the now all too familiar sound of cracking glass. She took a glance outside to see the crack once again start its slow creep across her windshield and she knew it was a warning. She looked back at her mom, closing the door with a shrug, "Just a rough night I guess."


I've spent way too much time reading about alternate dimensions and reality glitches on the Chans while bored at work before I have to leave. There were a lot of cars on the side of the highway home. It was odd. I couldn't stop thinking about how creepy my drive home had the opportunity to become. I also was a bit inspired by folktales of the Great Hunt which is supposed to be around Halloween ... I think, but don't quote me. Oh well, Tim Burton also combined Halloween and Christmas time so screw it.

To all my pagans a belated Happy Yule, Merry Christmas to my Christians. Happy Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, and to the atheists I hope you had a good day today. I also hope no one found themselves at the mercy of any man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves last night while out on the road. Or any other being for that matter.

I hope that everyone got everything, or most things, that they wanted today. I got gift cards, art supplies, and an elf that poops jelly beans among other things. Art, money, and candy mixed with low brow humor. My family knows me so well.

Another thing. It is so weird to write a short story about a scenario that takes place mainly in a car and have to repeatedly write the word car over and over again. It almost starts to sound too odd after a while. I kept feeling the need to switch it up even though there wasn't a real need to. Car, car, car, car, car, car, driver, vehicle, truck, car. Blech.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Birthday Blast From The Past

I have absolutely no concept of time. I can tell time, to be sure, I just don't quite have a concept of time. Things that happened two months ago I can sometimes mistake for happening two years ago and vice verse. I like to blame it on a spell I did years back in college to make time go faster, but to be honest I've been shitty with time for forever and a day. Two years, eleven months, and twenty eight days ago (or at least that's what the e mail told me) I sent a letter to myself through Future Me. I completely forgot about it because I thought it had been past the almost three year mark and the e mail never went through. Surprise of all surprises when my cellphone dings on my way back from a birthday brunch with a new e mail and I open to find this:

Dear FutureMe,
First off, Happy Birthday! What is it like knowing you are one year from 30?

Aww thank you past me...well...ummm kind of not happy about that last part.

Secondly, we *are* still alive right? What happened on December 21st of 2012? Also tell me you didn't let this year go by without a kickass birthday party. I mean, the apocalypse was the next fucking day for chrissakes. How many people acted like idiots and did you get nervous at all when the clock struck midnight and it was technically the next day when the world was supposed to end?

Well that's morbid. Oh wait, right right, the whole rapture thing that happened.

Secondly part B, did you laugh at the people that thought the world was going to end even though you yourself were having a secret anxiety attack all day and stayed up until half past midnight when it was technically December 22nd?

Secondly part C, that will be our little secret. ;)

Maybe I worried a little bit. I'm a pagan and back then I was border lining atheism, you know my ass isn't going up with any of you God fearing Christians should the rapture come.

Third, for the love of all that is fucking holy tell me we at least finished writing a book, doesn't even have to be sold yet, just finished. Just one and we'll be happy...or at least I will...or you will because you are now me even though I am now you talking to the future then me listening to the past then you..... >_> Also did we ever quit that stupid ass telephone secretary job or get another one that is even better? Seriously, that place sucks, don't tell me that you somehow stuck it out for another three fucking years dudette; I mean damn.

Well I certainly set some lofty goals for myself. Actually I am almost finished a book of flash fiction, I just really need someone to edit it or help me edit it. There also is that embarrassment of a short story on Kindle.

No I have not quit my stupid ass secretary job. In fact I am blogging from it right now and dodging phone calls from a stupid teen prank caller who has set it upon themselves to tell me how much of a 'fat ass' and a 'nigger' I am, despite never having actually seen me (not that it would make it better, it just adds another layer of ignorance and stupidity). Ahhh, youth. This has to be karmic payback for all those times I prank called sex phone hot lines when I was six. Maybe a bit older. I don't know, I was in elementary school.

...Ahhh, youth.

Also on the topic of work and progress, how is your blog doing?

Not that bad truth be told. Could use more readers and updates but I'm working on that. Really it comes down to the updating most likely. Can't read something that's not there.

Fourth, did you ever take that vacation in October of 2012? I know you suck at doing shit and saving money. If you didn't, fucking shame on you! That would have made 4-5 Samhain's we didn't do anything for.

I would have but Hurricane Sandy decided to come in and literally rain on my parade. Lesson learned. In hurricane season I most likely might want to stop trying to go to places located on the east coast like Salem and Boston, both of which had to be evacuated if I remember correctly. I should be remembering that correctly because I lost half of what I paid for the hotel room. I was so desperate to get the hell away from everyone I was hell bent on driving through a hurricane to get a 416 mile buffer zone. Sadly that never happened.

Fifth, have we changed at all in the past three years? Have you grown to become the person you wanted to be? Are you more happier now? Have you moved into your own place and are you healthier both physically and mentally? Did you ever figure your shit out spiritually?

I mean, all in all, what kind of person do you think you've become?

Getting super deep past me, yeesh. Why do I ask myself loaded questions?

I think I have changed. While I'm still stupid as hell, I've become a bit more mature and am learning to forgive and move on more and more. I'm also working on controlling my anger and getting rid of my anxieties.

The last part is kind of hard because I don't have money or insurance to see a doctor or anything. The shitty insurance I did have ran out. I would like to see some sort of therapist to be honest. The title of this blog is not really a lie. There is a high chance I have undiagnosed ADD and my inability to concentrate and pay attention is affecting my life, so I would like help with it in some way, but I kind of have to do what I can by myself. It sucks but what can you do? I just deal with it.

I am getting better mentally and physically, so that's good. I am in the process of getting rid of my debt through bankruptcy so I can start saving to get my own place. The good thing is my credit has always been either not there or kind of crappy. The bankruptcy isn't hurting much because I've never owned a credit card and I've always had to find ways to get around that. I came from nothing, I went below nothing because of the debt, now I'm going back to nothing. Nothing I can deal with. Crippling medical debt, not so much.

Almost embarrassing to say I am still in the process of figuring my shit out spiritually. I am still a pagan so at least that is figured out. I'm just not quite sure of the path I am taking. So far I've nailed it down to some sort of eclectic pagan with Norse pagan leanings. But who knows? I don't think we're ever really done learning and growing in a sense. People have changed spiritual paths late in life after spending their whole lives devoted to one. Shit happens, man.

All in all, I think I am on my way to being the type of person I envision myself being. Just not quite there yet. Which is ok.  

Also did we ever find a red hair dye that gives us the color we want while being permanent?

I am partial to Garnier Nutrisse number 66 True Red Pomegranate. It's very pretty. My acquaintance had an even prettier red, I just can't remember what it was right now. None of that truly matters though because I am in the process of growing my hair out so I can bleach it white and dye everything but the bangs/fringe teal.

If that looks to blech, I'll go back to red.

Sixth, whatever happened about that day at the beach? Remember? The deer, the cat and the star? (Hey, that sounds like a neat name for a book!)

This is referring to the time I went to the beach near my grandmother to ask the Gods for help for a friend who had cancer and was going through a hard time. On my way there I saw a baby deer cross the road, saw a bunch of cats near the beach where I was doing the offering, and after I was finished I witnessed a shooting star.  Long explanation short, all good omens.

Before the year was out my friend was in a new relationship with someone she truly loves, is in a better frame of mind, and is doing well with her cancer and its treatment. I don't really talk to her much now a days, if at all, but I'm happy for her.

And it totally sounds like a good name for a book. Sounds like a title C. S. Lewis would jive with.

I shall catch you on the flipside.

I am a dork of the highest degree.

  Just realized how odd that is to end the letter like this, of course I'll catch you on the flipside since I am you, but then again that'd be kind of hard unless you made a time machine and we could hang out together.....Hey! did we make a time machine!!??

Very lofty goals.

Also, has Jeremy ever tried contacting you? Please tell me you were smart and strong enough to say no and enough was enough. I mean we have gotten over his ass right? Because he was a fucking douche.

Yes he is a douche and he is gone for good to be a douche to some other poor unsuspecting person...just not this person who is blogging.

Speaking of SO's...are we still a virgin? Because this is a long time to remain a virgin. I'm not judging you or anything, but I honestly think that if you still have your V card,'re just doing this for shits and giggles now aren't you?


I've never found the right man, honestly. I also sometimes think that as the years go by I just get gayer and gayer....then a really cute guy walks by (or is that bi? Haha.). I might stay a virgin when it comes to men forever. Que sera, sera.

Oh and also....visit Penny's dad. I mean that's going to get to you three years too late, but you know what I mean. I know you're going to dwell on it now that it's written out and do it...right?

Ok..I'm seriously going to go now.

Love and peace from the past.


Monday, December 15, 2014

Down By The River

The night was calm but Chris drove through the winding roads with a barely contained fervor. He was partially elated that he had managed to get off work early but mostly annoyed. Halloween was his night and he always seemed to get roped into working whenever he made plans for it. His steering was smooth but his leg was tense and his foot held in the air above the gas pedal; something he did to keep himself from speeding whenever he got too excitable. The car he was driving coasted on the mainly downward sloping roads, every time it began to slow down too much he risked tapping the pedal to get it back up to speed. He looked at the clock, ten minutes until midnight.

The car approached a wide bridge. Chris slowed down his car and pulled over to the shoulder with five minutes to spare. He wouldn't be able to do any proper rituals he noted, but something small should suffice. Next year, he promised himself as he turned off all the lights to the car and stepped out, I'll make sure to ask for off. And I won't answer the phone when work calls.

Chris took a minute to let his eyes adjust to the darkness and looked at his surroundings. The bridge had no lights to offer and thus was just as dark as any other country road. There was no one around and he saw no waiting cars on the sides of the bridge where the police sometimes laid in wait for speeders. Seeing that he was truly alone, Chris put his keys in his pocket and shut the door with a kick. He hopped over the guardrail to the footpath that led to the bridge's side piers. He may have been alone, but walking the length of the rail and past where the woods began still creeped him out too much.

As he walked away from the rail, a chill swept over him. Chris stopped in his tracks and turned around. Nothing. There was nothing. And there will continue to be nothing because you are alone, dumbass. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. Halfway to the pier he stopped again. There was a definite feeling of being followed that he couldn't shake. But every time he thought he felt someone staring there was no one to be found, and every time he thought he heard another person's footsteps it always coincided with his own walking so he brushed it away as another trick of the mind.

Finally he reached the pier and looked at his watch, two minutes past midnight. Chris rolled his eyes. Too much time wasted looking around for stalkers that don't exist. He sat down on the bench and looked out past the vast stretch of water to the houses on the other side. Small dots of light from windows where people were still up. Probably having a party. Probably having a better night than I am. Probably because they had the balls to tell their bosses 'no' when asked to work, yet again, on a day off. He sat for a couple of minutes lost in his negative reverie and would have sat for a couple more when he heard the sound of shoes hitting pavement. Spinning around he once again saw no one.

"Now I know I'm going crazy." He said aloud.

Chris turned around and brought his attention to the river in front of him instead of the houses beyond it. Focusing on the soft sound of the waves below, he tried to let go of any negativity. Long gone was his excitement to do any sort of spell or ritual, and he had forgotten what he had wanted to do before anyway, so he decided instead to meditate and let go of all the frustration the work day had brought. He scooched back on the bench allowing his long, thin legs to cross with ease. Clasping his hands together on his lap, he closed his eyes and practiced his breathing. For a  while everything seemed to go well, he was becoming more relaxed with every exhale and had forgotten about any footsteps he thought he had heard. The more he meditated the more images flitted in and out of his mind's eye. At first he tried to ignore them, Chris was always told to just let any strange thoughts just come and go while meditating, but the more he let them pass the clearer they became. Soon there were clear pictures of young men and women laying on their backs in the street. Dead eyes set in blood bathed faces stared at him. Their lips were frozen open in a silent plea for help they would never again utter.

Chris opened his eyes and wiped away the tears that were forming. He mouthed a silent 'What the fuck?' as he unfolded his legs. He had never had any sort of experience like that while meditating before. Throwing his hands into the air, he brought them back down on his thighs with a slap and got up.

"That's it, I'm going home." He said to no one, "Between the footsteps and bad vibes, now this. I am not about to become a slasher victim from a horror movie."

He jogged back to his car, not bothering to stop and look around him. He hopped back over the guard rail, this time even further from the woods then he had previously, and ran to his cars unlocked door. A quick look into the back seat to confirm he was still alone and Chris threw himself into the driver's seat. He locked the doors and turned the key then froze. An overwhelming smell of rot and river water. From the corner of his eye he saw movement in the passenger seat. Chris turned his head just in time to see the blade held by the bloated corpse fly towards his neck. He opened his mouth to scream but only a wheezing gurgle came out. The dead lips in front of him cracked open from smiling. He stared disbelieving at the degloved hand that gripped the handle of the knife.

"You know, it's not very safe to leave your car doors open." It whispered.

I was supposed to post this on Halloween, but this is just the type of obvious dedication to my blog and my writing that my readers have come to know and love about me.

Sometimes I wish that I could stop myself from thinking of stories when I'm alone on bridges at night, it would make for a decidedly less creepy evening. To be sure it wasn't my fault, I was hearing footsteps even though there was no one there. As you can tell though, thankfully I did not meet my demise from a long dead murderer. Instead I got into my car safely and in time for a cop to stop and ask if I was having car troubles. But I also lock my car doors every chance I get out of habit.

I was however woken up as I tried to fall asleep that night by what felt like a hand tapping my arm from the side of my bed that meets the wall. Fun times. Perhaps I should stop sleeping over top of my Ouija board.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Better Living Through Spelling Mistakes

 photo youreyour.jpg

I can't remember where I found this online but I found it. Probably Pinterest. At first like the many people who shared this I laughed, because not only was this the work of one misjudgment but two. I can understand someone making a spelling mistake like this, it's quite common, but what was the tattooist's problem? It was that last thought that made me think, what if it was meant to be on purpose?

While we're all laughing at this chick, what if she's actually getting the last laugh on us and this tattoo is really just a clever philosophical statement?

Think of it this way.

The tattoo literally says without the contraction "Live you are life" when it probably should say "Live your life". What if it was really "Live, you are life." Notice the comma and strap in because I'm about to go all hippy summer camp motivational speaker on your ass real quick.

You are living, you are breathing, you are literally life personified right now.

That is why spreading hate should be considered a tragedy. This is why we're always sad to see someone waste the life force inside of them. The very essence of life is imbued inside of you which is why you're supposed to take this world by the balls and not go gentle into the good night. We are supposed to rage against the dying of the light.

We were meant to be explorers of the world and make mistakes, to learn from them and forgive. We were meant to socialize and love. Dance, even without music or partners, to the rhythm of the universe until someone can't help but join you. We weren't meant to stay cooped up in front of computer screens succumbing to the anxiety that seems to fester in so many of us, but instead to go out and take in all that we can until we are afraid that we are like vampires and taking in all this living is going to leave our world a dried husk devoid of its earthly essence.

We were not meant to hold back but hurtle ourselves full force into the world. Feel every great and aching emotion fully and completely because that is why we are.

So go out and live, because you are life.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Festival Of Trees 2014

Yesterday was the last day of the Festival Of Trees so I popped on over with a iPhone made of fail to take some pictures before it was over for good. Since my phone was dying by the time I got there I tried to stick to taking pictures of some of the more memorable trees and gingerbread houses. Here are only some of the pictures I took, as always the link to the imgur album is at the bottom of the post with even more pictures.

Wedded Bliss by BB&T

Let It Go by Dankmeyer Prosthetics and Orthotics

Oh, Frozen. I can tell you are going to have a stranglehold on this holiday for years to come.

Rustic Wonderland by Arris, A Design Studio

A Christmas Carnival Game by Harvey Lane Neighbors

This one was actually really cute. You were supposed to spin for your number and then spin for your color and find an ornament with the corresponding color and number combo, then you read the Christmas fortune on the back. 

Sweet Dreams by Baltimore Marriot Waterfront

Close-up of the note on the bed.

Everything Is Awesome by

I think I liked this Lego tree out of all of them. Except for the tree that was made entirely out of block legos (In the imgur album link).

Hon Tree by Fandango Productions

My Scouts Nightmare Before Christmas Tree

Close-up of some of the ornaments.

My perler bead bat I made for their tree.

Which totally looks like a bat by the way, my Scouts don't know what they're talking about. Our tree wasn't sold yet by the time I got there, but hopefully someone grabbed it up before the day ended. They worked so hard and it was such a cute theme. 

Mother Nature Boy: A Very WWE Christmas by  Kennedy Krieger Institute - International Center for Spinal Cord Injury

Spinal cord injury specialists...quite fitting.

Rest of the photos can be found in the Imgur album here.

I hope everyone that was able to go to the Festival Of Trees had fun. See you next year. ....At the festival I mean...not on the blog. Although this blog will still be around next year so I'll see you then too. 

Thursday, November 27, 2014

This Has Nothing To Do With Thanksgiving

For Trevor's birthday his father had gotten him a metal detector. Little Trevor had jumped up and down hugging the box and shouting 'Thank you!' at the top of his lungs. Although he loved having his friends over, he could hardly wait for them to leave so he could play with his new toy.

With only close family left to catch up with each other and his friends gone, his father finally allowed him to go outside with his metal detector with a warning to stay in the yard. Bundled up in a warm coat and with a small spade in his free hand, he dawdled at the tree line towards the end of the yard until he knew nobody was watching him. Trevor loved the woods. He knew there had to be treasure in there, and who ever heard of treasure being buried in backyards.

Fifty feet from his house his detector sounded off. Trevor set to work digging at the earth with his spade. A mere foot under the dirt, just before Trevor gave up, his spade glanced off something metal. It was a small box. The boy's face lit up as his little fingers pried open the rusted top. Inside was a sheet of paper covering the contents of the box, it read: "To all the girls I've loved before." He removed the paper and immediately dropped the box back into the hole. Inside were five fingers, now nothing more than bone. Each one was adorned with a wedding band.

A short horror story for you to read on Thanksgiving. Sorry for any errors, but food is calling me and it's more important than editing right now.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope all the annoying and rude people in your life get a turkey coma long before you do so you can have some respite today.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Shit My Scouts Say

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. I was supposed to take a hiatus from my troop, and largely that's been true, but I keep finding myself coming back to meetings and camping trips to help out.

One camping trip last year I wrote down some choice few quips that are pretty good at showing just what a leader has to deal with.

About to leave for camp

Me: Alright, time to go.
K: Wait, pop your trunk! I left my sonic screw driver in there!

After getting said screw driver, getting back in and buckled up, car is in reverse and I barely have my foot on the gas -
C: Wait! Can I also get something from the trunk?

On the way to camp

R: I predict that one day we will have a whole nation of kids named Derp and Derpina.

C: Six kids in the world are named Nimrod.

K: I don't like to think of them as ladybugs, I like to think of them as gender-fluid bugs.

*C taps me on the back*
Me: What?
C: She sells seashells by the seashore.
Me: Well I'm certain she does.
C: No, can you say it?
Me: She sells seashells by the seashore?
R: What sorcery is this?

*One of them pinches me while I'm driving*
Me: What is it? What's wrong?
Kid: Nothing, I'm snapping. That was me snapping my fingers.

At camp

*A group of Daisies come over to the table where me and another scout, Kat, are sitting.*
Daisies: Can we have the candy in this egg we found?
Kat: No! *throws candy into the trees*
Daisies: *bring egg back* We got it!
Kat: *Throws it again*
Me: You are not allowed to play fetch with the little ones!

C: Why are the fireproof gloves so short?
*Puts them on and then proceeds to say 'little nub fingers' in three minute intervals*

Even as I was writing that I got a hand in my face with a 'little nub fingers!'

*I'm sitting at a picnic table with marshmallow, chocolate, and graham crackers next to the fire waiting for the kids to get done their singing so I can help some of the younger ones make s'mores. Across is another leader. One of my kids comes over quietly to ask beg for a marshmallow.*
Me: I feel like I'm doing a drug deal, just with marshmallows.
.....Should I have said 'drug deal' in front of the kids?

*The kids are singing a silly version of the song Barges*
R: If it's domestic violence I think we should call the cops, not envy them.

R (who has had just enough of this singing crap): Why do they make the kids wait for food? I mean, it's good to wait and all, but this is freaking s'mores we're talking about.

*Daisy follows running after me*
Wait, wait! I have something to give you!
Me: Ok, what is it?
Daisy: Here, it's my swap.
*Cue all the children literally throwing swaps at me after seeing I pinned them to my jacket*

 photo image.jpg
It was pretty cute.

Last day of camp

Early in the morning

*While we wait for various parent helpers to come with extra transport, along with parents that are picking kids up right from camp, some of the Brownies and Daisies decide they want to hear ghost stories. Some of us leaders and the older scouts take turns telling them stories. Finally Kat starts to tell about Bloody Mary. *
Kat: And if you say her name three times in the mirror, she'll come to get you!
Brownie M: No she won't! I've tried it before and nothing happened.
Kat: Well did you have all the lights off and three candles lit?
M: Yes. I've read all the tales, I know what I'm doing, it's bogus!
Me: I can't breathe.

Kat: One time my family, my brother, and I went to a ghost tour of an insane asylum. And we went in a room where we heard screams and gunshots and no one was there. And there was this other room with a flickering light. And then, guess what happened!
All the kids huddled together say in unison: You died?!
Kat: What?

Random Leader: Alright, time to take things to the car.
Kids: Wait, are the stories real?
Jessie: Yes they are, now go.
Random Daisy: No they're not!
Jessie: No they're not, now go.
Kat: Well some are, and some aren't.
Me: It's a crapshoot either way, now go!

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Reality Shows I'd Like To See

I dick around way too much when I'm actually supposed to be doing things and these ideas were the results. I really hate reality shows. I'm not sure I've ever watched one that I genuinely liked and stuck with it besides Kathy Griffin's show. Even that one I stopped watching as time went on. Somewhat odd when you think about the fact that I like spoofs of reality TV like Trailer Park Boys. However, if these shows were on, I might think about giving reality TV another shot.

A Walking Dead reality show:

There should be a show like survivor crossed with the Walking Dead, just without all the voting people out crap because I couldn't care less how many of your team members hate Joey. I have no clue how you'd work out the weapon system with zombie actors and such, especially since weapons can have more than one use like a knife. If you had a fake knife you can't really cut something with it if you needed to, so maybe there should be 'in game' weapons you could only use like a nerf bat or something. I don't know.

It would also be neat to insert some of the characters from the Walking Dead world or some composite character based off of those characters for people to run across. However considering there are people like the Claimers and such it would probably have to be toned down a lot.

The Purge:

Kind of like the above in a sense. It would work something like paintball with nerf bats and things like that thrown in.  People would be randomly dropped on the playing field designed to look like a small city or town and you have to take each other out over the course of the next 12 hours, or however long the purge was in the movie. I forgot, I'm going to be honest. If you survive the length of the Purge, you win 10,000 dollars and a cruise, because cruises sound fucking awesome.

Which Are You Better At Surviving?

Sometimes I daydream about apocalypse scenarios, or whatever, when I'm bored at work or watching something like Dual Survival. It gets me thinking. If something were to happen and I had to get out of dodge, would I actually make it? And what scenarios could I best survive in?

That's what this show would determine. The environments would be broken up into three groups: Hot, Cold, and Urban. So basically a hotter than normal environment, one that's cold, and a city type place. You have a week in each. Get injured or can't go on for some reason, you're out. Then you get like a week to recuperate from each. That would just be crazy to keep plunking you down in different places with no adjustment.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Growing Psychic Awareness Meditation

I find it funny that my Witches Almanac book gives a psychic awareness spell for Samhain as well. Seems we're on the

bad joke eel photo: that's a bad joke tumblr_lgl7swQU9r1qc0pus.gif
Source: Photobucket user USS-Special

I looked for a bad joke eel, guess I'll have to do with a bad joke Cast-eel (Seriously, I will fucking stop. I was also told by my friends that that's not how you pronounce his name anyway so this sucks on both levels).

I came up with this meditation a couple of months ago. I've been trying to get back into meditating but I keep having too many intrusive thoughts and it always kind of shook me out of that relaxed state. Especially if story ideas and plot lines come into play. Until I heard this quote by someone whose name escapes me. It said something about your thoughts being like clouds and you are the mountain. You let your thoughts flow by and are unmoved by them. I have seriously just spent the past half hour googling it online and can't find where I found it before, but this article I found kind of explains what I'm trying to ineloquently say.

This gave me the idea of, I guess it's a sort of guided meditation. I didn't record my voice or anything like that, but it's a meditation with a specific purpose so it's kind of the same? I don't know. Anywhoozles it's to help increase your psychic awareness.

Start by envisioning yourself standing by a watering can on a cliff jutting out the side of a mountain. Or on a mountain cliff, you know I really don't care what your fucking mind's eye's mountain looks like, this is just how mine worked. Obviously it'll be different for everyone. Either way, this space should be a space of peace and where you feel most comfortable.  Love hot weather and sun? See yourself in full sun with bright skies. Like muggy weather? On a mountain in the fog.

Spend a little time getting to know your surroundings and take in how you think everything should look. Look to the sides and see your landscape. Look up, are there birds or is the sky clear? I have no clue, it's all you dude.

The cliff, or wherever you're standing on the mountain, should be grassy though.   A vibrant, bright green grass. The ground is soft and nourishing with a life giving energy to it.

See yourself cupping your hands in front of you. In them you are holding an amethyst crystal. Dig a hole in the dirt in front of you and bury the crystal like a seed. Water the spot with your watering can you were standing beside.

After you do this, sit in front of the spot with your legs crossed and eyes closed. Or envision yourself laying down if this is more comfortable for you.

While sitting, you want to think about the amethyst crystal growing in power from your care and the help of the elements. If it helps, imagine your third eye opening as well while you meditate. You want to meditate on the thought of your mind becoming more open to perceiving the world around you as your eyes cannot.

It probably should be worth mentioning that this is supposed to be a series of meditations. Each time you meditate you should begin by seeing yourself standing on your cliff by your watering can. Begin each session by watering your crystal. With each session you should imagine your amethyst growing stronger and stronger and a flower growing out of the spot the stronger it grows. As your flower grows, so to should your psychic awareness. Your flower can look however you want it to. It can be made out of the crystal you buried, or any purple flower you like. If you want to focus your psychic ability on a certain aspect, the color of the flower should probably represent that (as in if you want this to be all about perceiving things in the context of relationships or something, make the flower red).

You can end the series when the flower is in full bloom, or continue it and just use that spot as your own rest spot to go to in your mind's eye when you're feeling stressed.

I hope this works for whoever does it. I also hope everyone has a Happy Samhain, or Halloween, or just a good day and night all around.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Tigercon 2014: The Sellers

The Wayward Rabbit were our booth neighbors. Unfortunately unlike the last Otakon I attended I didn't really spend much time getting to know them or talking to them. I was kind of an aloof booth neighbor this time around. I did, however, manage to get a glimpse of what they were selling and snagged their card.

The Wayward Rabbit sells beautiful and mythical looking leather masks, cute clay figurines, and hair pieces. All of them so far are extremely affordable. One of the more intricate and bigger masks on the website only costs 50 dollars and the leather hair clips go as low as 10.

You can follow them on Facebook.
Technoangel Studios booth caught my eye with their funny buttons and cute 'Like a purr' cat shirt. I'm kind of sad that I didn't buy one of their rating buttons when I had the chance because I can't find it on their store, but they do take commissions for artwork and buttons so there's that.

You can follow them on Twitter, Facebook, or Tumblr.
I found Nakita of Maka's Needlepoint working on a replica of a Doctor Who scarf as I was walking around.  Their shop offers a variety of scarves and cute needlepoints, any item of hers can be custom made. Nakita Albarn also happens to be a professional cosplay model as well (and a very good one in my opinion).

You can follow her store on Facebook, or her cosplay page. Her Model Mayhem number is 2339992.
Wayward Studios has interesting comics, the one that caught my attention at their booth was Jikoshia. I like the artwork, which is a more westernized anime style, and the synopsis:

" Nifty was just a normal girl trying to breeze her way through high school.
That is, until she took a dare.

After opening a seemingly harmless door, Nifty discovered the world of Jikoshia. Now she must take on the role of a hero of legend in order to stop Lord Vei's plans for war.

But things are not always what they seem..."

You can find all of their comics on their store along with cards, bookmarks, and buttons for sale. You can also follow them on Tumblr, Facebook, or Twitter.
What first drew me to Alyssa M. Torres was the sketchy look of the art she had up. I love sketch art. Based out of DC, she also makes animations, comics, and mobile games for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Check out her shop and follow her on Tumblr.
Absolut Qualitee has some really adorable bead sprites and cross stitches. I especially liked their Groot beading. They do not have a store yet and mainly sell at Tigercon, but the seller told me they have done commissions through e mail before, so follow them on Facebook.
Her name is Chantal Moosher and she draws weird things for you to look at! The owner of the Lil' UFO tumblr certainly does have some weird and creative pieces like her Breakfast Robot and Centaur Fluttershy. I adore her drawings and the colors she uses really make them pop.

You can find her store here.
Besides having a tongue twister of a name, Omnomopoeia makes handmade video game jewelry, plushies, and more; including this cool green Super Kick Shell.

Follow them on Facebook and Twitter, or follow their Blog.
The booth Gap 'n' Pigtail was comprised of Dasia Leonard and Aiby. I really liked the artwork they had to display at their booth. Probably stared a bit longer at it than is socially acceptable.

You can follow Aiby on her Facebook page here and she can also be found on Tumblr, Dasia's Facebook is here.

Dasia is available for community events, parties, and special occasions as a caricature artist as well as designing t-shirts and logos as a graphic designer. Aiby is a digital and graphic designs major who is currently taking small commissions. Both of them were very nice, so don't be shy about contacting them.
Aurora Clothiers by Allen Gale has the plushiest pillows I've ever felt and the Etsy store is filled with all these gorgeous dresses and items for cosplayers. Take a look at the listing for Belle's ballgown. Fucking amazing.

You can follow them on Facebook.
Aroc Gaming makes and sells dice bags, tabletop figures, and painted D20's. Their bags have fun and cute patterns like french fries, bacon, and peacocks. I wanted to buy one of her TMNT themed D20's but everyone always buys the damn Raphaels before I can get to them!

Follow Aroc on Twitter or Facebook.
Kinder Bat are creators of cozy and fluffy tails, ears and hats, most of which are inspired by some animal or creature.

Follow them on Facebook.
Last, but not least (and bless you for getting down this far), is Hiddentalent Illustrations. I was actually able to buy something from her, and I absolutely love it. She specializes in creating beautiful and cute works of art out of paper collages. When I first saw them I thought she had painted them until I got a better look. She sells prints both large and small.

You can find her on Facebook which is where her store front is located as well, or on Tumblr.

My print that I bought

So ends my post of the Tigercon artists and sellers. I recommend supporting your indie artists and following all of them in some format.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Tigercon 2014: The Cosplayers

Last Saturday was Tigercon, a free anime convention at Towson University. Since Jessie and JessJess Creations was there to hawk their wares, so was I to help said hawking. I brought my undependable iPhone with me just in case I saw cosplayers. I'm not sure why I thought there would be less cosplayers than there was. Probably because Tigercon is only one day, but I learned you should never underestimate cosplayers and their love for their art even if it's for a day.

Sollux Captor - Homestuck

I've only read a little bit of the comic, but I love Homestuck cosplay. Especially of the trolls. They're so cute and interesting looking.

Anna - Frozen

Grell and Sebastian - Black Butler

Grell's makeup was very good, so good it kept making me want to apologize for holding them up from their con because they looked sad/worried. I also love the shark teeth, I think they're cute. I wonder if they bought or made them?

Fluttershy - My Little Pony

I honestly think this was, hands down, one of the cutest cosplays I saw that day, and the cosplayer themselves was so nice and sweet.

Belle and Beast - Beauty and the Beast

Beast's detachable head reminded me of an old Ken doll I used to have.

River Song and Eleventh Doctor - Doctor Who

Jeff, Sam, and Louise - Jeff the Killer, Trick 'r Treat, Bob's Burgers

How fitting is it that Louise is walking around with Jeff the Killer and Sam? I don't know about you, but their characters being friends is now my official headcanon. 


This person isn't cosplaying a character, but is instead dressed up in the Japanese fashion of Shironuri. At first I thought they were mixing Cult Party Kei with Gothic Lolita. I'm sad that I didn't ask her for a close up picture of her face. This picture does well to showcase her clothing, but does a disservice to the beautiful eye makeup she had on. Lots of pretty dots and lines fading away to the outer edges of her face. 

Levi - Attack on Titan

Their contouring work is so good. I wonder if any of these cosplayers and con attendants ever do makeup or any tutorials on YouTube, or anywhere else. Tell me your secrets! 

Lilith - Borderlands II

This cosplayer told me she had to wake up an hour earlier to draw her blue tattoos. I'm just surprised she only had to wake an hour earlier to do this. 

An Autumn Faun

Not an anime character, just something of her own amazing creation. I couldn't stop myself from looking every time she walked by, especially at her hair. It was so pretty and the glitter on the leaves in her hair shined just right as well. Sometimes I think it's hard to get glitter to work correctly, but everything about this costume was on pointe to me. 

Jack Frost - Rise of the Guardians

Finally we have Jack Frost who had the patience of a goddamn saint. Poor cosplayer had to sit through a dying iPhone and three tries with my friends phone before the picture would take.

I want to thank all the con-goers who let me take their picture and the people who stopped to buy from us, take our cards, or even just talk to us. Awesome people like you are what makes these Artist Alley's worth going to. That and money.

Here is the link to my Imgur album where I have even more pictures of cosplayers:

Tomorrow I will be putting up links and showcasing some of the Artist Alley's sellers.

By the by, while I was looking up a tutorial for Grell's teeth, I also happened to run across this video someone made with a way to get the look without making or buying a mold. Very neat and interesting, not to mention you can use it for other teeth makeup needs like rotting teeth for a zombie, or missing teeth for...whatever.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

I Was Almost A Creepypasta

About three weeks ago I went to my friend's house for one of our little get togethers where I made quick use of the everclear before realizing my wallet was left in my car. As much as I'd like to be completely trusting of my friend's neighbors, I don't know any of them and my car (having a broken power window, yet again) is easily break in-able at this point. What happened next reminded me why it's always the drunk people in horror movies who are among the first to die. Spoiler alert: it's because we're dumb as hell.

After locating my wallet and locking up my car, I noticed that my friends complex is surrounded by woods and the road that leads past it goes through a little area with trees on both sides. A primarily dark, possibly unsafe for drunk people, short area with only one street lamp. For some reason I went crazy pagan that night and felt that the woods were 'calling me' and I had to heed the you do. Perfectly reasonable response, really. Walking down the road, using my cellphone as my flashlight, I saw the silhouette of something that resembled a very large dog run out across the road and back into the woods. Now were I more sober this would have been the point where I did a heel turn and walked back to the apartment. Instead I stood frozen for a couple of seconds then exclaimed, "Puppy?!", and continued on intent on finding it.

At some point during my weaving I heard an actual dog barking further down. This excited Drunk Addy! Not only was there the prospect of one puppy, there was another, legitimate puppy somewhere up ahead. I also decided at some point, for reasons only known to me at the time, that there would most definitely be a bar in the neighborhood up ahead and I was going to go get a drink there because I was hella pretty and the general public should see me. 

I'm pretty sure I scared some of the few drivers that drove by me as well. See, I was drunk enough to make some stupid decisions that would negatively impact my livelihood, but smart enough to at least try and enact some self preservation skills. Drunks are weird that way I find. One of those smart decisions was to stand at the edge of the road when I saw or heard a car. I was slightly paranoid of people I couldn't watch since it was just me all alone. I was weaving everywhere as well and I didn't feel like re enacting Frogger. So there I am dressed all in black like a good little goth, lace shrug slipping off my shoulders, green shadowed eyes wide open in what probably looked like fear while I clutched my worldly possessions to my chest and just stood and stared until the driver passed me by and I could continue.

After I cleared the woods I saw I was in a normal, residential neighborhood with a huge lack in imaginary bars. I remember this annoying me to the point where I forgot about any dog I had heard before. Looking around at my surroundings, I glimpsed a pair of eyes watching me from the edge of the road just outside the light from my cellphone. When I stepped closer they disappeared. It was then I decided perhaps we should just get the fuck out of dodge. I turned to go back and that's when I saw the second silhouette run across the road just beyond the streetlight. Only this time it went the other way into the woods. 

"Puppy!" And thus the search was back on. 

Here's where the actually creepy part of my long assed ramble comes in. I don't know if it was because this silhouette was larger than the rest, or maybe I was closer to it, but I got a better look at this one and I realized soon after that perhaps I didn't want to get very close to it. When I say these things looked like large dogs from a distance, I mean large. Despite this all around largeness to them they looked kind of thin. This latest silhouette in particular had an odd gauntness to it. It also looked like it shouldn't be running on all fours. I really hope you understand what I mean by that because I have no other way to explain it. It just looked wrong, it was way too hunched over. Piecing together all this new information I realized the whatever-it-was really reminded me of the way that other whatever-it-was moved from my experience on 'Rake Road'. What had started off as a fun drunk adventure was very quickly turning into my own personal horror movie. Needless to say, as soon as I entertained that thought I hightailed it back to the apartment complex I came from as fast as I could to the two friends that were searching the parking lot for me. I managed to talk them into going back down the road a bit to search for my elusive forest dogs, but they were much more sober than I was and neither of them wanted to meet something feral. 

I never got to see what those things looked like up close so I could never confirm if they were just big, weird dogs or something else. A friend of mine later told me that the area I was in was known for having wild coyotes running around. I don't know how big a coyote is supposed to be so I can't really say anything about that. I do remember that's not the first time I've heard about coyote sightings though.

I have since been forbidden from drinking Everclear.

Bonus story: As if this wasn't long enough. To be quite honest I have a habit of cutting out a lot of my rambling and keeping things short so deal with it. This is one of those parts I cut out because I didn't know how to fit it in without it looking odd, or looking like I was going off on too many side notes/tangents. Sometimes I think I'm better at actually speaking these types of stories instead of writing them.

On my way back to the apartment I got a call from one of my friends who was still inside. The conversation was as follows.

Val: Hi sweetie.
Me: Val!! How are you?
V: I'm good. By the way, where are you?
M: I'm out in the woods.
V: We have woods?
M: Yes, down the road I took to get to another neighborhood. Did you know there aren't any bars? It's bullshit!
V: Hon' this is a complex, they're not going to have any bars. 
So some of us are looking for you.
M: Oh yeah, I'm on my way back. I keep seeing these weird...forest-dog creatures running in and out of the woods. At first I wanted to see what they looked like because I thought they were just dogs, but they run really wrong, Val. They're  pretty big too and I'm getting creeped out so I'm just going to come back now.
V: Oh ok, that's good, well I'll see you when you get here.

Some of you reading may have noticed the distinct lack of concern my friend had. This did not go unnoticed by me either. I remember hanging up and looking at my phone for a bit, mulling over the conversation I just had before going, "...That's kind of fucked up."

Really intoxicated chick with a predisposition to being more curious than the cat that got killed for it? Large, possibly feral, dog looking creatures who "run weird" (that are living in a freaking forest no less)? Ehhhhhh...she's fiiiine. 

They actually do love me, I promise.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Why I'm Afraid Of Dying

When I was younger, I think around early high school years, I had a very realistic nightmare.

I woke up in hell, or a hellish landscape and what I perceived in the dream to be hell. It would not look out of place in some dystopian movie about the end of the world. I was sitting on a pile of rubble next to a steel beam. There were cracks in the ground all around me. Flames would lick up out of them every so often or a gust of hot air would send embers flying. Wherever I looked there was fire. My hair and clothing stuck to me with sweat. My vision was hazy from the heat, but one thing was very clear. There was a dog coming towards me. A Rottweiler to be precise. It walked over to me with a dooming calmness but its head was low to the ground. It was growling at me, frothing with rage.

I don't remember exactly who I started praying to, but I think I just about prayed to every God I knew of. I remember the dog started laughing at me and then spoke.

"You can escape this time, but when you die there will be no angels to guide you. Only me. And no God or Jesus will be able to save you."

After that I woke up.

Of all the crazy recurring dreams I've had, this was not one of them. For that I'm grateful, and until I had to think of something creepy to write about for October, I largely forget this dream.

But there are times when I'm trying to get to sleep and I'm all alone, or when a relative has passed and I'm staring at their casket while the preacher tries to soothe us with a sermon, or sometimes when I wonder about what awaits us after death that sometimes my mind will wander back to the Rottweiler. Back to my dream of what I'm sure was hell. It is then that I struggle harder to sleep. It is then that I listen more closely to the words of a God I don't worship, and it is then that I sometimes wish there is nothing after death.