Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Shit My Scouts Say

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. I was supposed to take a hiatus from my troop, and largely that's been true, but I keep finding myself coming back to meetings and camping trips to help out.

One camping trip last year I wrote down some choice few quips that are pretty good at showing just what a leader has to deal with.

About to leave for camp

Me: Alright, time to go.
K: Wait, pop your trunk! I left my sonic screw driver in there!

After getting said screw driver, getting back in and buckled up, car is in reverse and I barely have my foot on the gas -
C: Wait! Can I also get something from the trunk?

On the way to camp

R: I predict that one day we will have a whole nation of kids named Derp and Derpina.

C: Six kids in the world are named Nimrod.

K: I don't like to think of them as ladybugs, I like to think of them as gender-fluid bugs.

*C taps me on the back*
Me: What?
C: She sells seashells by the seashore.
Me: Well I'm certain she does.
C: No, can you say it?
Me: She sells seashells by the seashore?
R: What sorcery is this?

*One of them pinches me while I'm driving*
Me: What is it? What's wrong?
Kid: Nothing, I'm snapping. That was me snapping my fingers.

At camp

*A group of Daisies come over to the table where me and another scout, Kat, are sitting.*
Daisies: Can we have the candy in this egg we found?
Kat: No! *throws candy into the trees*
Daisies: *bring egg back* We got it!
Kat: *Throws it again*
Me: You are not allowed to play fetch with the little ones!

C: Why are the fireproof gloves so short?
*Puts them on and then proceeds to say 'little nub fingers' in three minute intervals*

Even as I was writing that I got a hand in my face with a 'little nub fingers!'

*I'm sitting at a picnic table with marshmallow, chocolate, and graham crackers next to the fire waiting for the kids to get done their singing so I can help some of the younger ones make s'mores. Across is another leader. One of my kids comes over quietly to ask beg for a marshmallow.*
Me: I feel like I'm doing a drug deal, just with marshmallows.
.....Should I have said 'drug deal' in front of the kids?

*The kids are singing a silly version of the song Barges*
R: If it's domestic violence I think we should call the cops, not envy them.

R (who has had just enough of this singing crap): Why do they make the kids wait for food? I mean, it's good to wait and all, but this is freaking s'mores we're talking about.

*Daisy follows running after me*
Wait, wait! I have something to give you!
Me: Ok, what is it?
Daisy: Here, it's my swap.
*Cue all the children literally throwing swaps at me after seeing I pinned them to my jacket*

 photo image.jpg
It was pretty cute.

Last day of camp

Early in the morning

*While we wait for various parent helpers to come with extra transport, along with parents that are picking kids up right from camp, some of the Brownies and Daisies decide they want to hear ghost stories. Some of us leaders and the older scouts take turns telling them stories. Finally Kat starts to tell about Bloody Mary. *
Kat: And if you say her name three times in the mirror, she'll come to get you!
Brownie M: No she won't! I've tried it before and nothing happened.
Kat: Well did you have all the lights off and three candles lit?
M: Yes. I've read all the tales, I know what I'm doing, it's bogus!
Me: I can't breathe.

Kat: One time my family, my brother, and I went to a ghost tour of an insane asylum. And we went in a room where we heard screams and gunshots and no one was there. And there was this other room with a flickering light. And then, guess what happened!
All the kids huddled together say in unison: You died?!
Kat: What?

Random Leader: Alright, time to take things to the car.
Kids: Wait, are the stories real?
Jessie: Yes they are, now go.
Random Daisy: No they're not!
Jessie: No they're not, now go.
Kat: Well some are, and some aren't.
Me: It's a crapshoot either way, now go!


  1. I for one welcome our new Derp and Derpina overlords. And I don't see the harm in saying "drug deal" in front of the kids. Their future therapists might have a different opinion.

    1. If their names have any say on their personalities, they'll be too stupid to overtake the world. lol.

      See, I'm doing good, I'm keeping therapists in business one misspoken line at a time. Awesome.


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