Friday, October 9, 2015

Halloween Inspired Drawing

My friend and I went to the monastery ruins at old St.Mary's College. The ruins are also known as Hell House and there are tons of rumors I've heard growing up about the old altar and remains of the swimming pool. Mostly about Satan and cult worship, although the swimming pool was rumored to be filled with blood. I can't remember why, and I'm too lazy to Google it right now, but it probably has something to do with Satan and cult worship. I'm doing a small zine for a swap partner about the strange things in Maryland and wanted to get some photos. Sadly the remains of the altar with the black cross is gone and the pool is filled up, but I did get pictures of some of the neat and cute graffiti that surrounds the area.

I got these anti-stress coloring books (This book in particular is called Art Nouveau: Coloring for Everyone) and this page is by far my favorite. I wanted to see if I could make one like it. Then I decided to add ghosts and shit because October and because I was having a hard time coming up with something abstract. So here's a small art tutorial for the hell of it.

I started by folding the page "hot dog style" and drawing half of my design. I tried to leave just enough spacing between objects and shapes for when I had to ink it in later.

Then I drew a border on the right half and folded it. I rubbed very hard all over with the bottom of the inking marker I was using. I probably should have used some sort of craft popsicle stick or something but fuck that noise all I had was a marker.

Some of the pencil lines showed up on the other side and I could ink in some drawings with just those alone. Other shapes I had to either ink little by little and keep folding the page, or just make sure I did it quickly before the ink dried if it was small enough. Some of it didn't quite match up like I wanted it to, mostly because I drew a little too close to the center and it overlapped. Next time I'll probably leave a bit of space because it seems like it would be better to have to extrapolate lines.

After inking in everything and erasing all the pencil lines (may I just say that Pigma Sensei inking pens are great but the eraser it comes with is almost complete shit), I decided to color in the background with a black colored pencil. I wanted to use some of the larger markers but I didn't want to dry them out as I still need to use them and don't want to have to rebuy them just yet. I was also afraid of the ink bleeding on the paper and screwing up some of the lines that are close to each other. It's the same reason I didn't use any watercolor paint. Even my smallest brush is a little too big.

While I don't think it came out too bad, I think next time I'll either try to ink or paint it regardless of how much of a pain in the ass that seems. Or I'll wait until coloring everything in before blacking out the background. Since the coloring pencil is a ...well, a pencil, the broadness of the tip differs depending on when you last sharpened it. That means that some of the lines and shapes got a bit distorted and crowded regardless. Not too horribly though. Also, coloring with it left dust that grayed and smudged into the white spaces. I had the brilliant idea to try and use the eraser on it and it kind of worked, but if it accidentally went outside of any of the blank spaces it left a halo effect around them. Just minor annoyances all around.

The background did smear into some of the coloring though, which sucked ass. Hopefully you can't see it with the size of the picture and the potato I took the picture with. I tried enlarging some of these but then the resolution is shit. I'm sorry.

So there you  have it. My first art tutorial for a drawing style that I have no clue what it is called. Coloring book style? I don't know, whatever. Maybe you learned something. Specifically to leave space when doing something like this and that colored pencils can be assholes.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Creepy Bucket List

I cannot believe that October is a quarter over. Why do months have to only be four weeks? October should be three months worth of weeks long with at least two Halloween's and Samhain's. According to the uptick in my blogging it would at least be good for this blog anyways. I don't know, October just makes me feel alive like no other month does sometimes.

Since I can't figure out what I want to actually do for Halloween, much less what or where I want to go for my road trip coming up in about three days, my mind has been scrambling for ideas. Throw in creepypasta that I have been reading and media I have been taking in, as well as my own boredom, and you get my creepy bucket list. Things that I want to do that are either creepy, related to October and Halloween, or occult in nature. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a silly fictional one, much like my fictional world bucket list, or a non fictional one so I split my list of ten into two fives.

Fictonal Creepy Bucket List:

1. Introduce Winifred Sanderson to a dental plan. - Hocus Pocus

2. Do the dirty at Camp Crystal Lake. Get at me Jason... punk. - Friday the 13th

3. Bring Mulciber back from the dead. - Nightbreed comic circa '90-'93 (I think I could literally make a blog post about this in itself, I was so annoyed)

4. Get rid of "all the damn vampires" in Santa Carla with the Frog brothers. - Lost Boys

5. Marry into the Addams family. - The Addams family

Actual Creepy Bucket List:

1. Hold a séance, or some other ritual, in the catacombs of Paris. Ever since I saw that cult singer scene in As Above, So Below I've wanted to do it so badly.

2. Another Hocus Pocus one. I want to do a group costume so badly. Have two other people be Sanderson sisters with me and three other people be the kids, find someplace with Halloween karaoke, and reenact the musical scene from mahvelous introduction, to mahvelous ending.

3. Do a shadowcasting of either Rocky Horror or Repo! The Genetic Opera. But let's be honest, top pick is Rocky.

4. Visit the Mutter Museum.

5. Buy some weird ass thing from Obscura Antiques and Oddities. I've always wanted a curio cabinet.

As some of these are more easily done and feasible than others, I hope to at least get the last five done one day.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Interviewing Your Tarot Cards

I was bored while doing a super slow overnight at work and was desperately trying to read the tarot for someone while using the Gothic Tarot of Vampires. This was the first time I had tried to use the deck in a serious manner and I was finding out that sometimes it can be tricky to read. There are symbols on the top of the cards that denote if it is a pentacle, cup, sword, or wand. The pentacle symbol doesn't actually look like a pentacle or coin symbol. It looks like a small vampire face (actually I think it looks like Boone's face from Nightbreed) inside a circle. There are also die type numbers (as in dice, not as in you will die) at the top that tell you if a card is a King or whatever. Maybe I'm just tarot illiterate if it's not Rider Waite inspired but this deck does take some getting used to, and playing around with, so you're not abysmally clumsy with it. I've found that it's also a stubborn deck. When it doesn't want to be used no amount of reshuffling will help that. It is a very beautiful deck though. I love the drawings on it. It was illustrated by Emiliano Mammucari who also draws comics, so it does have a graphic novel sort of feel to the drawings, which as a comic book reader is part of what drew me to that particular deck in the first place.

In my effort to understand my deck better and figure out if I was looking at a coin or an angry face, I went to the internet and came upon this Youtube video by Lea Evangelista.

When it comes to reading the tarot I've never thought of doing anything remotely like this. Usually I cleanse the cards, then I have to go through the deck and look at every one and appreciate the art, then I usually just jump right in with reading them. I figure I'll get used to them quicker. However, certain decks are more suited for certain questions and queries and this could help you discern what to do with which deck.

I set aside the very stubborn Vampire tarot and picked up my oracle cards by Lucy Cavendish, Oracle of Shadows & Light. I've been using these for a while and I love them. The art is by Jasmine Becket-Griffith who is amazing, I would really love to own a painting or piece of her art one day. This particular deck was gifted to me on my birthday by a friend who went and had Jasmine sign the guidebook, so it's very special to me. Using Lea's video, here's what my layout came out to be and the meaning behind them (Note: the picture I took of the layout at work was oddly angled so I recreated it at home).

Bottom Middle: Tell me about yourself, what is your most important characteristic?

Nautilus Princess: Powerful Personal Growth

This card is all about growing as a person, taking yourself seriously, and generally stepping up to the challenges that life throws at you. I find this to be very true because I do generally use these oracle cards as more of a personal tool. An almost meditational tool on myself and my current state in life. Very rarely do I use them on other people.

Bottom Right: what are your strengths as a deck?

Strangely Lonely: Holding On Way Too Tight

The guidebook for strangely lonely says this about the card: "This sweet and defined being holds fast to her Celtic Cross, clutching her belief system, because without it she is not sure who she truly is. Perhaps it was given to her by a beloved, perhaps it represents her family, a loved one, or aspects of her soul. But the reason she holds on so tight that she is so lonely and has yet to connect with her soul family on a day today basis. There are times in your life when you, too, may be surrounded by people, even those who you call friends, but you still feel extremely lonely amid it all, as she does. You may feel like you need a barrier between yourself and the world-as she does. There is a sense that you feel too strongly your individuality, and that you are lonely – as she is, too."

I take this to mean that the deck is very good at showing you what your barriers are that you put up. What are your fears and what is keeping you from growing as a person, which relates back to the most important characteristic of the cards itself as one of personal growth.

Bottom Left: what are your limits as a deck?

Ghosts Of The Past: The Past Returns For A Time...

This is all about confronting the past, basically. This card also represents that you can't go back after all of your life experiences. They have made you who you are and you must move on from all of that. In regards to the interview question I took this to mean that this deck is not always the best for trying to foretell anything from the future, but is better used by looking backwards and in present happenings to help you better prepare for the future. Not saying that you can never tell any future events, it's just harder. It is in my experience that this deck really will bring up shit from years ago that you have never thought about, much like a nagging girlfriend.

Top middle: What are you here to teach me?

Voodoo In Blue: Back Off!

The message behind this card is knowing when it is best to back away from the situation, also when it is best to be very, very blunt with people and tell them the same. It is about extreme honesty and dropping the façade of niceness from the way you interact with people. The deck wants you to grow a backbone. I know that a couple of times when I asked a question of the deck and it came up with an answer that I did not like I didn't want to be honest with myself and just accept  that answer, so I kept trying to ask the same question and reshuffle and reread them. Every single time the deck came up with either the same card or cards that are extremely similar in meaning. So yes, it can be very blunt.

Top left: how can I best learn from and collaborate with you?

Sewer Mermaid: Your Sensuality Is Beautiful

I love the Sewer Mermaid. I think it is a very cute card. Both in the art and in the name. Despite being in the sewer this card is about self love. Loving who you are as a person, loving your body, things like that. I take this to mean that it is not just about physical self love but also mental and emotional. Accepting who you are enough to not doubt yourself when it comes to interpreting the cards. I do tend to have a bunch of self-doubt. Because of that when I read for other people sometimes I get very, extremely anxious about it and it messes with my readings. So the best way to collaborate with these cards will be to trust the cards and, most of all, trust myself.

Top right: what is the potential outcome of our working relationship?

Autumn Is My Last Chance: Please Don't Lose Hope!

This card is about self reliance as well as self-love. It is about knowing that when all hope seems lost that you yourself have what you need to get you through life, and you do not need to rely on other people for acceptance or help. So I think that is pretty much self-explanatory. It seems to tie in with all of the messages that we've been getting throughout this entire reading.

There you have it, a neat way to get to know your cards.  Hopefully it worked for you as well as it work for me and for the YouTuber. I would suggest subscribing to Lea's channel as I myself have done. She has more videos on there than just about Tarot cards and oracle cards. She also has videos about make up among other things. I have not gotten around to watching any of her other videos that are not about the cards, but they seem interesting. I also just like her fashion sense and the way she talks. It is no surprise to me that she does have some ASMR videos up because she has a very nice and calming way of speaking. I honestly think that I could listen to her talk all day long. Screw Morgan Freeman I want her to narrate my life.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Protection Ritual For Ghost Hunters

October is upon us and it's almost Halloween time. Hush, hush, it's always almost Halloween time.

esqueletos gif photo ani_155.gif
Not mine, sadly. Taken from Photobucket.

After boredom had set itself into our bones, my friends and I decided to go on a midnight trip to Todd's Inheritance, also known as Todd's Farm.

It is a farm near Fort Howard and reported to be haunted. Rumor says that the figure of the woman holding a candle in the top window of the farm can be seen. They say that she is waiting for her soldier to return from the war. There also are supposed to be the apparitions of slaves hanging from the trees around the farm. I was also told by friends I used to hang out with that the house used to have some eagle mount or statue above the door. If you were driving towards Fort Howard park it would be right side up but when you drove back the other way it would mysteriously flip and be upside down. There were also stories of it changing color from black to white or vice verse depending on what way it was facing. I've tried looking online for any story like that but to no avail. That rumor may have been truly local and particular to that circle of friends.

As you can see we found nothing that night. My pictures may or may not have been taken with a smartpotatophone, so there's also that. The only thing strange that we encountered were malfunctions to our GPS. It has been my experience that Todd's Inheritance always seems to mess with my GPS. Never anywhere else on that road but there. Usually when driving by it the road disappears off the map and everything goes either green or blue as if you were driving over water or land. This time our car icon kept jumping ahead on the map to past Todd's farm then going back to it's original location on the GPS. Some of our phones also rapidly lost about 30% charge power. Take from that what you will.

We didn't actually go on the property but respectfully stayed beyond the gates. Although it does seem that it is open as a museum to the public. At least according to their Facebook page that is. Regardless of whether you believe in the stories of ghosts or not, the house does have a lot of interesting history behind it that is definitely worth a Google search at the very least.

That being said, being the cautious pagan that I am, before we went I decided to do a blessing over our car and the car's inhabitants which I will now share with you. 

First consecrate some water to make it holy. There are many ways to do this. Here is a link with ways to consecrate water.

The way I did it was to have some water  in a bowl and have some sea salt from a grinder, or table salt, in a different bowl. Hold each bowl above your head and ask the Gods to cleanse the element of water or earth, depending on which bowl you're holding up at the time, while visualizing a white light coming down from the sky and running into, over, and surrounding the bowl you're holding. 

Then add the salt to the water. After that I took a knife and hold it above my head and visualized the same thing. Just pure white light running down into the knife, from the knife to my hands, and into my body, filling it with a cleansing glow. Then I said,

 "As above, so below." 

After that I plunged the knife into the bowl, visualizing all that power and energy flowing from the knife into the water.

It's not really necessary to do the last part I just thought it gave it a bit of an extra oomph. And obviously you can change some of the words and the deity to suit your own if you want. This is just how I personally do this.

After that I took the bowl outside. I began to circle the car. As I did this I dipped my fingers in the water and sprinkled and flung it on the car while I chanted,

"Earth, air, fire, and water,
Protect us and stay with us.
Earth bind the spirits,
Air blow them away,
Fire burn them away,
Water wash them away.
Earth, air, fire, and water,
Stay with us."

You can also say earth bind the evil and so on, and so on, which I also did.

After that I just walked up while continuing the chant to each of the people that were going with us, sprinkling it about their feet and on them. I also sprinkled some on myself as well.

So there you have it. Just a simple protection ritual to protect your car and people in it from having anything stick to them after ghost hunting. I don't know about you but I don't like stragglers. You could probably use this in a banishment ritual as well.

So who is excited for Halloween/Samhain, and how do some of you ghost hunters protect yourself? If you do at all, of course. Perhaps you are more secular and less pussy than I.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Blue Smoke

I breath out a cloud of blue,
So thick.

Fog so thick,
I cannot see,
I cannot feel.

I am the abstract dragon of the universe,
I breath in fire and breathe out ice...

I climb the mountain in front of me,
Three times,
And I arrive home to relieve my heavy extremities.

This sounds so pretty and deep, but really I got super drunk on Absinthe last Saturday and went outside to smoke a cigarette then had to climb up three flights of steps to my friend's apartment.

But I like this so much better. We can pretend there is true meaning.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Random Thoughts 10

Only in the goosebumps universe would the thought process, "Is that a kitty? Oh wait no, it's just an ugly sponge." Totally logical.

Do you think fireflies view the Fourth of July as one big, confusing mating signal?

Does anyone else find it incredibly hard to get motivated as an adult? Especially where cleaning my room is concerned, or things like that. I will go the whole Pipi Longstockings route and try to 'ground' myself by telling myself I can't go out to wherever until I get my room clean and either one of two things happen:

A. I instantly rebel against myself and think, "Well I guess we'll just stay inside away from society and read."

Or B. I laugh at myself and think, "I'm a smegging adult. I'll go out if I want to." and do it anyway.

I guess because my room is almost never actually dirty it's just cluttered, is the reason I don't care. I just annoy myself sometimes is all.

I'm watching the original Fly movie for the first time. It is an odd combination of overacting, underacting, and some continuity problems (a man gets smushed under a press but apparently the blood won't get on the coroners blanket?). Vincent Price's facial expressions are wonderous though. 

I love that a quite thrilling and creepy story can be told with minimal use of the gore, violence, and special effects that we've come to expect in modern horror movies. And I'll never grow tired of old school special effects. I think after 60 or so years it still stands firm. 

There were some bits that I found dragged a little, but that may also be because it's a really old movie and we all basically know the premise. Especially if you've seen the updated version with Jeff Goldblum. Sometimes when watching or reading anything that's been around for so long that everyone knows the story even without having ever watched it, I find myself getting slightly over eager to get to the 'good parts' that the set up feels like you're slogging through mud. I was not, however, prepared for the ending. I thought I knew the whole of the ending but apparently I didn't. It is more than just a fly screaming, 'Help me!' and that's all I will say.

Going Down

In my dream I was in an elevator. I was going down and my sister's pretty head came tumbling down with me, pooling blood around my feet. Her hair lay curled around her face, blood drenched gold. Just when she opened her mouth to scream I woke up, alone in my hotel room, sweating all over. My breath came in sharp, short gasps. I grabbed for my phone in the dark with one hand and fumbled for the lamp switch with the other. While the phone rang I slid my feet into my sneakers and my room key into my pocket. My sister's bemused voice sounded in my ear and I smiled inwardly, stepping out into the hallway.

"It's almost midnight, why are you calling so late?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm taking the elevator to the lobby's vending machines, do you want me to get you anything?"

My heart skipped a beat. I turned left and bolted down the staircase that led down the two floors to the hotel lobby.

"Why are you breathing so hard?"

"I'm running down the steps to meet you in the lobby, stay on the elevator."

"What's going on?"

The last part of her sentence was in stereo as the doors to the elevator slid open. She smiled at me, her nose wrinkling like it always did when she thought I was being particularly silly, and put her phone away. She stepped a foot outside the doors and I marched forward across the lobby floor, putting my hand up like I was the crossing guard of the elevators. The motion felt a little too dramatic at the time, even to me.

"Don't get off the elevator!" I shouted, surprising the man who had been waiting patiently to the side and was about to step on.

"Susan, seriously?"

"Am I allowed to get on?" asked the man, completely confused by now.

"There's something wrong with the elevator. Just stay there and let me get a maintenance worker to look at it, ok? I just have a bad feeling about...all of this." I said ending my warning lamely, my hand tracing the space in front of her in a big circle.

"I was just on it, it's working fine and you're being weird." She accused me.

Nevertheless her foot had returned to just in front of the doors. Whether she thought this was a prank or not, she was at least heeding my advice for the time being. For that I was grateful. The man to the side of the door however had enough and rolled his eyes at me.

"Well I need to get to my room." He said.

Or had started to say I guess. He got halfway through his sentence and took a step over the threshold when the elevator started a descent to the street level. My sister, eyes wide, gasped and took several steps back. She looked at me in surprise. The man, however, lost his footing and fell to the floor, half in and half out. I grabbed hold of his legs and tried to pull him away. Him and I had just got most of his body out but either we were too slow or the elevator was too fast. I'll never be able to get the sound he made when the top of the door met the back of his neck and kept descending, out of my head. Or the sounds his hands made. Hard thumps against metal and carpet turning into wet slaps that kept going even after my sister's high pitched shrieks faded away to the floor below. And I don't think my sister will ever be able to get the look of his face out of hers.

I was originally going to have a maintenance man be the hapless person who got decapitated by an elevator, then I realized that I have no clue how elevators are checked or fixed. A quick Google search told me that some hotels apparently have a street/ground floor and then a lobby above that so here we are.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Shut Up And Taste The Ice Cream

A week or two ago my sister flopped down on the couch next to me and proclaimed her boredom. I agreed to take her out for a fuck-it drive, but warned her ahead of time I had no destination in mind. While we were discussing plans to get the hell out of dodge, at least for an hour or two anyway, my Mom asked if we could take my younger brother to Wendy's to get an application. I said yes and after we got his application, and made him chase the car around the parking lot, I asked my sister if she wanted to go to Prigle's Creamery. It's a good drive from Dundalk (about 20-30 minutes) and she's never been there before. She was good to go especially because it was on my dime. After yelling my brother's name over the music he was listening to on his headphones, he confirmed that he would like to go too.

In retrospect, I believe the next 30 or so minutes of complaining was my fault. My brother is an impatient person and I don't think I clarified how far away this creamery was for him. I think about every eight or so minutes he took his ear buds out to thrust his face up to where the GPS was and ask where we were. Then he would sink back into the shadows of the back seat to listen to his music. It was actually quite funny beyond being annoying.

While driving I occasionally wondered if he even took time to take in the scenery at all back there. I kind of doubt it. He wanted to get there and back as quick as possible. His impatience was understandable, he's young first off. Secondly, he wanted to go running before a certain time. I didn't know about that beforehand, I just wanted to spend time with my siblings. I tried to tell him that we weren't getting home any faster so he might as well enjoy the ride he's on while he's on it. No use complaining this far into the trip.

On our way there I accidentally took a wrong turn. I was going to turn around but it only took us a mile out of our way so I didn't see a reason to do so. Our new route took us down a one lane road covered by a canopy of trees. While we were driving my sister and I noticed a small stream to the left side. The formation of the land and rocks created a small waterfall fed by a little green pool of water. Just as quick as it came by it went. If it was just me and my sister we would have gone back to take pictures but my brother was having none of it, and I couldn't stand his bitching.

Three minutes later we finally ended up at the creamery. I let them both get a quart to take home and share with the family. This sounds like I'm being a most excellent sister but the two quarts were for purely selfish reasons. If they bring home quarts to share my ice cream gets left alone longer than expected and I get to actually eat some before everyone eats it all. My brother got an ice cream sandwich which was absolutely huge. Even he had to admit that it was worth the drive. Possibly not the bitching, but definitely the drive. When we got home he didn't even go for his run even though he had plenty of time. Instead he opted to have a friend sleep over and play video games. I felt like flicking his ears.

The whole trip made me think about how impatient and unaware we all can be, at least some of the time. Especially when certain types of social media come into play like Vine or Twitter. Sure I could have whipped out my phone and Vine'd or taken pictures of the waterfall since we did slow down slightly for it, but it has been my experience that doing so sometimes takes you out of the moment. Some things, I feel, create such an intimate moment that they can't be fully enjoyed while scrambling for your camera or to open apps. Sometimes you really just have to shut up and taste the ice cream, or shut up and enjoy the car ride since you can't turn back right at that very moment. I know we live in a 'pics/vids or it never happened' world, still there's something nice sometimes about having a memory that only you experienced unadulterated by any outside influences clamoring for your attention. A lot can be missed in those few precious seconds taken trying to capture the moment. Not to mention all the time spent directly afterwards sharing with everyone around you, something I feel that takes away from the afterglow of the moment. More often than not these days I find myself saying 'Fuck it' when my hand strays to my phone, or taking a few moments longer to privately enjoy whatever is happening before me before I take a snapshot, even if that means missing the snapshot, and moving along my way.

Case in point, a couple of hours later I had to leave for work. I had just passed my block and was going down the next block over when I had to stop suddenly for some guy darting away across the road. About a second later a box of fireworks sitting on the right side went off. I briefly toyed with the idea of putting it on Vine then decided against it. I knew that in the time it would have taken to set everything up this impromptu show would have expired. Instead, laughing at the spontaneity of it all, I carefully drove my car under an archway of multi-colored lights.

It was such a quick and magical moment in an otherwise mundane setting that I still regret nothing about not capturing that scene anywhere other than in my own head.

I think I wrote this about a year or two ago. I re found a book of mine with tons of plots, story lines, prompts, and blog entries that I had written in it. I had a stay at home type of day on the Fourth of July full of these little moments (mostly the mundane and peaceful type, not the magical) that kind of reminded me of this entry I had written up, and true to form it took me three days after remembering to actually put it online. Well at least it wasn't a month.

I hope everyone that celebrates American holidays had a great Fourth. I spent mine getting slightly high and eating burritos while watching Netflix and reading American Psycho, than watching neighbors set off fireworks from my couch while my dog went crazy. I'm glad I stayed at home. I got to catch up on sleep and no one was there all day. It was so relaxing. I think the Fourth may be my favorite holiday after Halloween. I love closing my eyes after watching fireworks and watching the imprints of the lights dance across the inside of my lids. It's almost like a meditation and instant replay all in one. When I was younger I used to feel super lucky because no one I knew did this and I got to see fireworks twice.

I've ditched Vine these days for Instagram but I still dawdle when capturing moments before I've had time to enjoy them for what they are.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Section: 9 Article: Random Thoughts

I've been rewatching the Star Trek shows in sequential order and they have episodes every so often that deals with the mirror universe, basically bizarro clones of everyone. Everyone's evil, usually. Or just assholes. But I'm kind of a dick in this universe, mostly good with just some chaotic evil influences. Every time I watch one of those episodes, or any TV show with an evil clone episode, all I can think is how embarrassing would it be to find out you were your own evil clone?

I mean you and your crew bump into all these mirror people and they're all assholes, then you meet yourself and everyone is ready for another showdown and they're the most laid back, nicest person you can meet. The most awkward of silence and cricket noises ensues as everyone tries so hard not to meet your eyes.

Even more awkward, what if they tried to trade you out for your clone? Oh that would suck.

I'm bored at work and I was just thinking, I kind of want to be the asshole who snapchats a whole movie to their friends.

And this is why I'll be left in an evil mirror universe.

You ever have those total 'it can only happen to me' moments? Some things in my life I think the universe just sets up for its own slapstick amusement. There are definitely moments in my life that lend credence to the belief that I am on some Addy version of The Truman Show.

Case in point:

I'm walking to the entrance of the church my Scouts meet in for their Fly Up ceremony and I'm walking next to mother of one of my Scouts just talking. My foot must have gotten caught on a tree root or a fucked up piece of sidewalk and I completely eat dirt. Well technically I eat bush because I fall, nay dive face first into a freaking bush. There also happened to be a dead bird under the bush that I slap with my hand as I try to save myself. Not only that, I fall so hard my bra comes unhooked. I didn't even know that could happen. I didn't notice at first until I was back in the kitchen area with a hand full of Neosporin and I had to ask one of the other leaders to help me get my tits under control.

So I think I'm going to be forever alone. I just had this realization that my first instinct is to be mean to people. Mainly potential suitors. I don't know why, but I just push people away sometimes. Not all the time, usually I can stave off that instinct but it's still there.

Like, I got bored at work so I started day dreaming and it turned kind of sexual, as my day dreams are wont to do. Whatever celebrity I was thinking about at the time walks up to me in my mind's eye and says, 'Well Miss Addy, what are we going to do with you.'

My first instinct in my own sexual fantasy is to fix him with a dead eyed stare and say in my best Wednesday Addams voice, 'Hopefully die in front of me.'

Never mind that the comeback did not fit the question at all (or maybe it did? I don't know. It's 6:09am right now and I've been up all night answering phones) but this is why I'll die alone with twenty cats who will be fighting over each other to be the first to eat my face. They do that you know. They always go for the face, I don't know why and I'm too lazy to look it up.

Or maybe I just need someone who will sling zingers back at me in the same monotone voice? 
My sister is totally pregnant. This has nothing to do with anything other than I'm excited and wanted to brag that I'll be an Aunt and a Godmother come January.

Can't wait to see that moon belly!

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Hindsight On Hindsight 109

I have been a naughty monkey lately, and  have subsequently neglected this blog. I also have no concept of time, which I understand is actually quite fitting for a blog post about time travel, but apparently it's been almost 2 months (I guess) or a month since I've done a blog post, and specifically about Hindsight on Hindsight but I could have sworn that it was shorter. What I'm trying to say guys is mea culpa.

Never mind that now .....onto the post!

This episode of Hindsight opens with our Becca doing the I-Went-To-A-Rave-Last-Night-AndAll-I-Got-Was-This-Lousy-Glowstick zombie walk to the kitchen with some oddly mournful music in the background.  Then again this was the 90's, you either had pop, rap, mournful pop, or anti establishment pop. Those were our only choices and we were grateful!

Kevin comes out of what I assume is Lolly's room and confirms that he had a great time last night. But honestly, his usage of the phrase 'How many guys get to say that they went out with the two prettiest girls in New York?' combined with Becca's unhistory-history with him makes me slightly wary of any relationship he gets into with Lolly.

If I had a dollar for everytime I woke up like that I could actually do this blogging without having to worry about work.
New Headcanon that Lolly created pogs and someone stole the idea. I completely believe it.
Careful Lolly, the man slept on your floor and is acting way to brusque about running those errands.

Bitch has a point about your work Sean. She does run a gallery. Or she at least attended one....or whatever.  

I just...wanted more of this on the blog. *ahem*

'Use your mouth, not your tongue.'

Point made but you are one to smegging talk Becca.

I want to say that I am amazed that Lolly knows what the hell that motor mouthed singer is saying. I mean yes we had the internet in the 90's but it wasn't like the internet now. Lyric websites dedicated to decoding a singer's words and sometimes the meaning weren't nearly as prevalent as they are now. You had to either listen really closely to the music or song over and over again, talk with other fans in chat rooms and newsgroups, or you had to read the CD/Cassette booklet. And Gods help you if that CD had one of those booklets that only had artwork or only told you about the credits of who did what for the album. That always upset me.
'You're like a sister to me.'

That son of a bitch!

In other news, I'm here for you Lolly. Come into my arms. Come to Butthead.

'No, Jamie Lee Curtis will ruin the movie for you.'

This dude is my favorite in so many ways. 
Listen to the man Becca, he is a love and breakup guru.

Invite him to the party Becca! Invite the love guru!

I hope he crashes the party.

Becca's viral marketing worked, too well. I say, if you can't stand the heat get out of the sauna zine dude. 

Same thinking and motto applies to Becca. If you can't stand a Lolly Party, don't have Lolly invite the people and plan the party.

I'm just saying.
This episode we have usage of the word glitterati. Last episode it was friend zone. I cannot remember if these words were in use in that time era. They just kind of stand out as anachronisms. 
You have to love Sean's confused look at the end of that scene with Paige.

'I only started a relationship with someone you don't like and didn't want me to have a relationship with. Why are you so upset?'

Crazy hours, a company? Snazzy dressing? 

Jamie almost died doing coke things with his coke friend and decided to turn his life around, I guarantee it. Hopefully.
Jamie: Invasion of the Bodysnatchers edition, obviously.

'When I apologize to a girl I usually just get her flowers.'

HA! Hahahaaha! Hahahahaaaaaa!

I remember the drunken ride with coke friend to hold a boombox to Lolly's balcony. Then again he did say usually.
Sean and his new beau go to a schmoozy, snooty looking art party so he can try to be schmoozy and snooty and network. Right off the bat the whole affair kind of reeks of pretension. Then again this dude is making more money than Sean who is more...ahh, low rent then some of the party goers.  

I think his beau is going to try and fail to Pretty Woman Sean. 

This cereal Christmas tree is absolutely better than flowers.

Woohoo! Our girls are back together. We need more Paige hanging out with Lolly and Becca in this show. I love them.

Snooty bitches everywhere, Sean, and not enough hands to smack them. 

I am quite worried for Sean after the male snoot's 'he likes them young' remark. That chick looks almost thirty though.

Yes, Sebastian!
'I'm nobody's sister.'

That's my Lolly. Get it girl, just don't get upset when it don't work is all I'm going to say.
It is almost irresponsible how hard I'm still willing to ship Lolly and Jamie.

That possible teenager is such a bitch. 

What the hell Sebastian. This is a colonoscopy video, not some avant garde artistic vision someone had. Then again, sometimes it's really hard to tell.

Yes Paige, that look. The tables in this show turn quick as hell.
'You should always assume there's a fight going on and you should always assume it's your fault.'

I'm going to be honest, that's my default for if anyone even so much as smiles at me. It's just best to be prepared.
I absolutely love how Jamie is trying to be wingman for Lolly, but I really hope she kisses him instead at the end of this show.

Ooooooh, forehead blocked. Sorry Lolly.

The Gods are real, they love us and this is proof.

Damn fine magazine sale kiss.

But seriously, thirty minute sell out at midnight for what is essentially a no name startup zine is amazing.

And this is why I'm still going to hold out hope for a Lolly/Jamie ship, because this type of relationship and interaction is tons more healthier than what they started out as.

Oh I should have known. Damn it Jamie.

So apparently the man she was arguing with was her actual father. I'm going to be honest, completely thought that maybe she was going to be a prostitot of some sort after the young remark.

I wonder when Sean will tell her about Paige. This better be a completely professional relationship. 

Although if she drops him because he won't date her it would be pretty stupid on her part seeing as because of his level of skill in art she finally got Daddy's attention and approval. 
Oh crap

I still want to know what the hell is going on with poor man's Darius Rucker. We haven't seen the Buddha quoter in a while and I'm starting to wonder if the writers of this show even know what to do with his character.  Maybe he'll make an end of season appearance in the next, and last (oh gosh! I'm so behind on what happens.), episode.

Saturday, April 4, 2015


You said 'hi',
and I put your potential for kindness on a pedestal.
Fantasies of hope
to fill up the hopeless.

Staring past you,
my heart is in a haze,
our future life is just a dream.

I never loved you,
I only loved the idea of you.
No rhyme poetry, yay! Because screw your rhyming schemes! I also wanted to write something to break up all the Hindsight on Hindsight posts I've been doing. Another one will be up sometime before Easter though. Second to last, oy.

Years back I was flipping through the channels and I happened across a movie. In the scene the actress says something along the lines of, "You don't love me, you only love the idea of me."

I never understood what that meant until now. It always confused me. If you love someone of course you love the idea of them, right?

I am glad that I have moved on in my life to the point where I am OK with dating and am able to do so. Outwardly and consciously I am wary still. I know that I am still somewhat vulnerable to people like my past exes. People that will only manipulate me. People that will run through me rather than with me. So I know the red flags and the warning signs of abusive and bad relationships and keep them at the fore front when dating and meeting people. Inwardly and unconsciously I am too eager. I want too much too soon. Sometimes I feel like my hormones are in hyper drive, I'm too much of a cutie chaser.

Outwardly I am a slightly morose Clementine, inwardly I am Joel.

I'm just realizing this, but at least I am aware of it...right?

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Hindsight On Hindsight 108

I can tell when I've taken too long with a promises post when I start getting cute cat talk comments from blogger friends. Yes you can has Hindsight 108 starting ..... nao!

We start off in a flash forward-back to the first time Becca meets Kevin. There's nothing gained from this other than what we already know, that Becca does indeed know of Kevin already and something bad and/or douchey may have happened with him, or else she wouldn't be acting standoffish. We got that from their door meeting at the end of the last episode. We kind of could have done without this particular flash forward-back. It wasn't a very long flash-whatever though. It's not like it makes a huge difference. The scene ends with Becca dodging questions about a relationship from Lolly and charitying her strawberry jam to Kevin.
At her job Becca keeps blurting out oddities like she was a Drew Barrymore before Drew Barrymore was Drew Barrymore. We have had enough time to acclimate to the time travel. C'mon girl, just say 'Yes I've been to a rave.' That's it. 

She also is trying to unleash viral marketing unto the world because Becca has to be the first at everything. No judgement, I'd do the same. You'll know if I've ever foud a way to time jump to the past because Lady Gaga will fade away like Marty and Lady Toten will replace her with a cackle.

I don't know, I really like Gaga's voice.

"I'm not interested in being part of this Bermuda Love Triangle."

This is absolutely why I love this chick. 

Another Kevin flash forward-back begins when Becca sees a street juggler. From the look on her face when she saw the juggler I almost expected her to run up to him and tell him some intrinsic detail about his life that would affect him in 10 years unless he did something about it. But no, just jogging her memory of Kevin. 
I'm starting to get the feeling Becca may have had an affair with Kevin.
Lolly is cute when she's flustered.

How could you not take this face to a rave? I would take her to all of them, every single one. 

Kevin, you're such a buttinski. Then again Lolly is a putinski, so...

"You're going to love each other!"

And affair halfway to confirmed. Look at that face.

'I am going to poison everyone.'

It makes me happy inside that Paige and Becca aren't mad about dick swapping with each other. 

Spider-Lolly, Spider-Lolly, doing whatever a Spider-Lolly does.

And another flash that ends with Kevin renewing Becca's lust for...apricots. I love being right. Absolutely love it. It's almost sexually gratifying. 
I know that Becca has qualms about telling people things that are going to happen and/or trying to change them. We've seen why. But when it comes to something like this, I think I would just tell Lolly what happened in the future-past. Just get it out of the way. Like, "Here's why I've been acting crazy. Do with that information what you will. I won't cock block you."

Something like that.

I love how they're all like, 'Is that the dude?'

He's got the aforementioned purple hair and he's sucking on a glow stick. I think we're in the clear.
'Boysenberry? Dem's fightin' words!'

Chill your purple ass down. 

That's right Lolly, glow sticks are more fun than drugs.

...Although sometimes it's the drugs that make the glow sticks fun. Like a weird catch 22.
Lolly has more faith in herself to navigate a subway system than I ever could. Instead of meeting back up with my friends at a rave the show would just have to flash forward a couple of years to me making friends with hobos, living in some underground homeless community and wondering what the over dwellers were up to as I thought of what once was. 

I'm really bad with directions and navigation sometimes, that's all I'm trying to say.
Becca thinks the universe wants her to get with Kevin. Or maybe the universe is trying to get you to show some willpower Becca, jeez. Just because it's there it doesn't mean you have to hop on it.

There's always that one painting that boggles your mind as to why it's being sold for such a price. With this I assume it's the size of it.

Bitch alert! Danger Paige Robinson!
Becca's crooked sticker skills are 2edgy4me. 

I do kind of miss all that Extreeeme! advertising that was so prevalent in my childhood.

*Guitar riff sounds in the distance as I blast off on my jet pack, roller blades permanently strapped to my feet.*

Well someone should tell Lolly.

We see Lolly rollin', she's not hatin', because she's on the fifth alphabetic letter.

Owen is now poor man's Jack Black.  Listen to his diction, it's totally the same.

I miss Starscape now. I have no clue if that is even still around.

So dicking Paige over, but not dicking her, seems to be Sean's favorite pastime.

Well color me a shocking shade of Boysenberry. I thought the new year scene was about Lolly dating Becca's brother and Becca finally telling Lolly he OD'ed, or something. 

If it was me I'd definitely hesitate telling Lolly as well, but I think I'd still tell her.  I mean in present time. Obviously in past time she kind of had to. Not really a choice there.

Oh my goth just tell her.

So Becca's blurting can be a good thing.

You know Becca, communication is the key to relationships.

Douchebag has a point. Paige didn't tell him this job was anything more than a cash grab, and she has been repeatedly rejecting him. It's actually not his fault if he moves on. I can absolutely understand her hesitancy but she made her move too little too late.

*Insert canned studio audience Oooo's and whistles here.*

New fan theory expanded on: 
I'm still partial to my fan theory that this is a TV show in universe created by Lolly. There are too many people that resemble other actors. This means they either are their actor counterpart in universe, as in Owen is what their Jack Black looks like. Or Lolly specifically picked those people because she couldn't get said actor, which is a complete Lolly thing to do.

"Hey! You totally look like Jack Black!"
"Are you coming on to me or insulting me?"
"I don't know but do you want to be on television?"

Tell me you can't see her having that exact conversation.

Oh gosh, only two more episodes left. Only two more!