I haven't heard from you in so long. But then again we really only communicated through comments left on each other's blogs so I guess that makes sense. Especially if I haven't updated in so long.
I really hope that you are doing well. I hope that you started blogging again, I really liked reading about your life and your progress and process you went through in writing your book. I wonder if you ever finished it. I can't remember what your blog was called. I kept it in my reading list but if you changed the name or anything like that, I wouldn't know. I also don't know if it would pop up in my reading list again if you started it back up under the same name (which I've forgotten as I am wont to do) since you deleted it.
If you read this feel free to say Hi. I really hope that you continued writing, even if that meant moving on to another story in the meantime if you were stumped with the original one.
You ever wonder about people? I do all the time.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Friday, May 5, 2017
Dear Woman In Ollie's,
Do your eyes work? Better yet, does your mouth work?
Ok, so I know that I was a bit distracted but in my defense those peeps plushies were huge, cute, and on sale....and I was walking at a snail's pace. It's not like I cut you off dashing like a madman to the check out line. Also in my defense, you totally saw my cart and me coming. I know because when my paranoia senses were kicking in and I turned, you were inches from crashing into me and my cart. When I looked over I was met with the smile of the clueless and the dead eyes of a bargain shopper staring directly into my soul.
I'm just saying you could have said excuse me or something to warn me.
Dear Maryland Drivers As A Collective,
I'm not sure if you've noticed lately, but did you know that your blinkers aren't working? I'm sure the fact that you all keep cutting me off is just a big coincidence and a huge misunderstanding. There's no way you're all this moronic and a trip to your local mechanic is sure to get this problem fixed. Also, when the light is red, it means stop. Not gun it. Just a little driving fact you didn't know.
Oh, and when you're at a four way stop, you're supposed to take turns in a clockwise manner and usually the person who gets there first is the first to go. Another driving tip you don't seem to know either.
I should have listened to you when you told me you were too broken. I should have listened to you when you warned me that your ex called you a demon.
I just thought your ex was a bitch. I thought two broken people could make one whole person, not one shattered individual left behind. I didn't know. I was in love.
Even still, there are no words or excuses for the hell you put me through. One flash in the pan relationship and it took almost ten years away from my life to recover from it. I can hardly remember my twenties because I spent so much of them crying in my room, cutting and self harming, and sleeping my life away. It was the closest I had ever been to truly being ok with dying. I lost my religion, I lost my path, I lost myself. I'm still finding odd pieces of myself here and there even though I have largely gained everything back.
Sometimes I wish there was an Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind type company out there so I could wipe my memories of you away. But then I would be erasing the strength and resolve I found at the end of my fall. I would be erasing the clarity and the wisdom. So I'll have to live with the fact that you are in the recesses of my memories and sometimes you'll resurface.
I wish that I was one of those people who wished well on the people that wronged them or abused them. Sometimes I can be.
Not with you though.
I forgive you, but I can't wish you well. I had to pretend that you were dead in order for me to truly begin getting over my anger and sadness. Sometimes I still do. I no longer feel much of anything towards you. I forgive you but I hope you got your karma. I really do.
I didn't mean to skip another day, but I got so stumped on the stranger one. I was going to write five small open letters to various people, but I thought two was enough. No need to make this post longer than it should be.
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Look, I haven't given up on you yet. You've always stayed constant through out my life and you always will. I may have added to you, but I haven't thrown you into the trash yet. Just stick with me, don't go away and attach yourself to someone else to achieve, I'm still working towards you. We'll be together soon.
I'm coming for you,
I just want to thank you for sticking by me through absolutely everything and always being there for me. You were part of my reason for living and going on through my depression. You've always treated me like family even when nobody else did.
We've had our ups and downs but I'm so happy it's always been more ups. I do wish that I was closer with two of you, but you and I are still young and there's time thank the Gods. Although to be honest you'd never know I didn't spend every waking minute by you by the way that we act together.
Sis, I love watching you and my nephew grow together. You are such a good mom and your boyfriend is a great father. I'm so proud of both of you and I can't stop smiling whenever I look at or think of that sweet little boy of yours. I know that motherhood can be hard especially for someone so young, but you are so great at it and you should know that you are one of the best first moms I've ever seen.
Baby Brother, please do better in school. Bring that homework in, I know that's where most of your bad grades are coming from. You are way too smart to be failing. And don't quit. You're only in 11th right now. As it stands I'm actually afraid that you may have to repeat your grade, but aside from that you only have a year or two more to go. You can do this! Trust me, a good and completed education is so worth it.
Little Brother, I am so goddamn glad you do not take after your father. Your new girlfriend is awesome and you're both really super cute together. Please keep being awesome. You always wow me with how kind and giving you are, and adventurous as well. I love seeing pics from all the crazy things you do and places you see. Don't ever lose that sense of adventure and keep doing great in college.
Somehow I skipped a day in there. I did not realize that. Probably my fault for posting at around 3am every single time.
I wasn't going to write a letter to each one of my siblings, so I tried to just write to them all together but apparently that's hard to do. Meh. Three little asides for each of them then.
What's something you'd write to your sibling?